Gay. Freak. Weirdo. Im afraid to go out in public now, because i can see and hear everyone laughing at me, calling me names. Im used to this, but before i had friends. I have no friends now. My friends dont think about me anymore since i moved schools, they have new, better, cooler friends to hang out with now. But i have no friends at my new school either. Starting from my first day there, they started judging me. They decided that apparently i was ‘gay’. I have no idea where they got this from, but people just in public seem to think the same. I dont think one person at my school would give me the benefit of the doubt. Even on the train, where i thought i could make friends with some nicer people, started calling me names (gay, freak etc.) before i had even said anything. They would just look at me and then decide these things, and everyday its like a dagger, because im completely alone. I dont even know what makes me look ‘gay’ or like a ‘freak’, its not like im a goth or something (although i have nothing against them) i look like a perfectly normal kid, but everyone calls me these names.
I wish i was dead. I realise that the only place for me on this planet is for me to be someone else’s verbal abuse bag. I’m THIS close to cutting myself, i’ve already tried starving myself because i deserve the pain, but mum forces me to eat. I’ve tried hinting to my parents that im depressed, that i need help, but they dont understand. They think im just a dumb, overly reactive, juvenile teen. They arent happy with who i am. I got 4 A’s out of 8 subjects in my last report, but dad dismissed as ‘crap’ because i didnt get an a in math. Im so desperate for my life to end. Im completely alone. It pains me to know that when we did a survey on who do we have to help us through things, the only boxes i ticked were websites and pet. Nobody likes me, i dont like myself, fine.
3 comments
Things will get better. People are judgmental and pathetic. It has nothing to do with you. You will make friends soon. And as for your parents… they obviously don’t understand. But it’s just a little bump in the road. I’m here if you want to talk.
I agree with Lovely. 4 out of 8 isn’t bad at all, and I think I have a B in math. No one is perfect, and the fact that people are calling you names just from looking at you just shows how many pigs live in this world. There’s nothing wrong with you. Absolutely nothing. You can email me if you want.
People who think they know you without actually bothering to really know you are just shallow people and it sucks, but a lot of teenagers are like that. I didn’t enjoy school one bit I know what it’s like to have people pick on you for reasons that are not obvious to anyone.
You have to be strong on bear it out. Things will get better. A lot of adults are shallow too (in general, they’re actually not any better than teenagers), but the ones who still behave like teenagers don’t get anywhere. People know that friends who are nasty to other people aren’t real friends.
It’s hard when you’re in school, because these are the people you’re stuck with, and you might not have much choice when it comes to friends, but you don’t want to have friends like that, because they don’t care about each other any more than they care about you.