I’m not exactly sure what to say

I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so lost and it’s such a long story I don’t know where to begin. There’s this boy and I’ve known him for a little over a year now. We became very fast friends and I told him everything. The first day we ever really talked I told him everything. I was sexually abused as a child, I was raped multiple times by a man I called my grandfather. He told me his life story, his troubled past with his parents, his horrible past relationship. We talked every day, all day. I moved to his city and got a job. We started dating. I love this boy with every inch of my soul, every fiber of my being. When we broke up we continued to be friends and that was ok. He was always there for me if I needed him, I could just call him and he would run over. Then he started dating his new girlfriend and she couldn’t handle our friendship. She was always jealous and getting angry with him for talking to me or hanging out with me. Pretty soon he was gone. He wasn’t talking to me as much, he couldn’t be there for me anymore. We still spoke from time to time but nothing ever happened. I went home for Christmas break and my home life is horrible. My mom told me I was weak for being depressed and if I admit that I need help I would never get a job and make a living for myself. I needed him. At this point he wasn’t talking to me at all. I hadn’t spoken to him in days. Pretty soon those days turned into weeks. One day he called me to tell me that he did it for me, because he cares but I need to learn to be independent. When we got back to school he gave me a hug and said hello but I haven’t spoken to him since. I don’t know what to do without him. I still love him and I hurt every day without him, I don’t know how to survive without him. I know if I tell him these things he’d just insist on me seeing someone, talking with someone aside from him. I can’t do that right now, I’m in my final semester of college and I’m doing my student teaching to become a teacher I leave in 2 weeks. I don’t have the time to get the help right now. I just need him in my life. Last night I wrote a suicide note and at the end of it I said “if anyone asks me how I am, I won’t do it.” I’m on a small campus so everyone here knows everyone and a lot of people would probably consider me their friend. I went to the cafeteria today full of people I know and not one person stopped to talk to me, not one person asked me how I was. He was down there with her, he looked up at me but there wasn’t a smile, there wasn’t a wave. What’s the point if my friends don’t care. Someone did ask me how I was, it was a friend via text. I’ve seen 100’s of faces today and not one bothered to say something. Not one person here proved that my life was worth something.