Finals time.
At the beggining of the semester I thought “this semester will be different, I will be able to focus, I will be able to pass the subjects.”
A few months later, and nothing changed. It’s still the same old shit. I haven’t found the strenght to change.
4/5 exams are done. 3 of which I didn’t pass (one of them I didn’t even finish the exam, left halfway through it). My last grade is out. But I am too afraid to go check it. I know I have failed it. But to see that I in fact did, will throw me down for sure. I know it will take away the last bit of strenght I have to go to my last one – another one I know I will fail too, since I don’t know shit, I can’t study, I can’t focus. I just stare at the notebook for hours – all I see is a bunch of numbers and letters, that together make something that I’m not interested in.
I can’t do this anymore.
Everything is just dark.
Everytime I go smoke a cigarette, I just feel this urge to jump down the window. Maybe I really should. I’m of no use here. I’m a disappointment, I’m a failure.
13 comments
hazelleyes,
sorry u know your not the only one a lot of people are doing what they don’t want to do and are failing, the only thing thats your fault is your tring to do something that doesn’t interest you! pick something else or do something else. or quit for a bit and go back after thinking about it.
hazelleyes,
want someone to talk too! i’ll talk to you! 🙂
recycling1000@ yahoo.com
No your not a failure if you study hard and work at it you will get it or its that your distracted by what is realy bothering you Im a bright kid but when my mom left i fell behind in school Now im out of school mainly becuse I cant not since my dad died
It’s not that I don’t want to study, it’s not that I totally dislike the degree i’m taking. It’s just that I have no fucking strenght, no motivation. I just can’t..
rocketman, thank you 🙂
002247, I read your story the other day. I am sorry for everything that you are going through, although I bet you are sick of people telling you this. I truly hope you find the strenght to keep going, as I try to tell myself “in order for there to be bad days, good days have to exist as well”, if that makes any sense. Let’s hope they come soon.
Hi hazeleyes. I know that exams can be rough. When I was in university, I hated the end of the semester, because that meant the exams were coming. Now that I’m a teacher, I try not to make the exams too difficult. You only have one exam left. Try to find some strength to study and hopefully you will pass the course. 🙂
Just do your best. You aren’t a failure. With all your distraction lately it’s okay if you don’t do great on your finals. You’ll have to help yourself before you’ll be able to focus in my opinion. I hope your day was at least a little better than yesterday. I tryed to send you an email, but our computers are crappy so tell me whether or not you got it.
freezingfire, I got it, also replied (did you get it?)
Dave, the thing is, I don’t have strenght to study, I just can’t focus. I already failed 4 outta 5 classes this semester.. next exam is in a few days – I just can’t get around to study, so that one is another fail.
You described ecactly whats going on in my school last year i barely passed my classes and fll behind this year it happened again and they gave me an extention but i havent done any work im smart but its just i cant concentrate either its hard for me :/
I’ll go check now. I’ll tell you in a few minutes.
tabiteata13, I’m sorry to hear that, cus I know how much it sucks. I hope you’ll be able to concentrate soon, and get your work done. I wish my course work had written homeworks, but it’s pretty much one test and one exam (or just one exam), so my attempts to study have no results at all, thus me not passing anything.
I got your email and replied. In an attempt to explain my computer issues, I use a crappy portable thing that a friend gave me instead of throwing away to get on here and I can’t type fast on it, but my parents don’t know I have it and I can use it in my room at night. I get bad internet connection on Friday and Saturday because I don’t sleep in the same place. This device (I don’t even know what it is) won’t open my email at all. I have to use an actual computer and I have to get on when everyone else is gone or asleep. Then I have to clear everything I did off it without clearing it completely. That’s why I have trouble getting on my email often, so I’ll probably have to continue talking on this website. I hope that makes sense.
I got it, I will reply tomorrow, I’m getting tired, and my head is starting to hurt :\ have you tried through m.google.pt/mail (this is for mobile phones, which might work since it is a portable device you have) or some other interface of gmail? I know there are simpler versions of it, at least there used to be. And ofc I understand, I don’t want you to get into any troubles with your parents, don’t worry about it.
I’ll try to find a portable website of some sort, that’s a good idea. I hope your head feels better, you sleep well, and have a better day tommorow :).