most precious thing i lost

so my story continues…

I did lose my viriginity at 13 years old.

I really really regret it soo much. The day before i had sex I got high for the first time and we got high together it was going well at the beginning then I was on the grass he got on top of my and tried forcing his hand down my pants i kept telling him no. Then he asked if he could feel my breasts I said no. I was high but I could still think. But I was so high I was weak and he was so strong he forced his hands up my shirt and got on top of me. I kept telling him no i really didnt want that. Than he got off my and I was half passed out on the grass he told me if i could look at his thing and see if it was big and if i could touch but i didnt look and I wouldnt touch it either.

I was curious about sex and I wanted to do it just not with him.

The next day he thought I didnt remember anything about the last night but I did I just pretended I didnt so I could hear if he would admit to aything he did cause I know he rememebered. But he hadnt mentioned it really until I went for a walk with him and he said he might have forced himself on me when we were high im not sure if that was before or after we had sex.

But the day he wanted to have sex I kept saying no to him over and over again but yet he kept forcing his hands all over me then he gave up and started to make me feel bad finally for some reason I said yes….i should have just left. He wasnt gentle it hurt. I lied about a lot of things in my life ill give you 2 examples i lied about losing my viriginity earlier and i lied about getting high all the time when he really he was my first with both.

I saw him again and the same thing happened as the first i kept saying no he made me feel bad i gave in the day before i cut a big x on my arm he noticed but didnt care. After that i didnt want to see him.  a week passed and i started crying myself to sleep and felt worthless.

I told my sister and she told me oh really I thought you lost it ealrier….that hurt. She wouldnt know how i felt. Since then she has looked at me differently and i hate it! I hate myself for it