If all goes well, I’ll be all right. If not, I’m gonna plan when to kill myself. What if I don’t do it? That’ll be decided when I put my plan into action. I won’t do it in my own home, I’ll do it at the person’s place, who I wish to spite, because they laughed at me today when I was telling my doctor something serious. So, if I choose to euthanise myself, it’ll be at their house, so that if they get time to save me, they can call the ambulance, and maybe they’ll feel less psychopathic towards me. Then again, affter this I’ll never talk to this person again, not just because of the ambulance, but because they’re emotionally abusive in a passive, nice way ifyou get what I mean. If they don’t get time to help me out before my heart stops, goodbye. Hopefully it won’t come to that, if a certain medical procedure turns out ok and my anesthesia reaction is handled better than the last time.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
2 comments
Heey Michelle, I know what you mean. I always imagined running up to her and shooting my brains out. Preferably in a way she gets covered by blood… I guess that’s just sick of me. But I understand why you want to do such a thing to someone :/ People always complain when suicides involve other people, but after all, a person is not likely to kill themselves if nobody hurt them. In the end there’s always someone to blame :/
I really hope it all goes wel for you ^^
Thanks. I’ve been getting support from a few other family members who are what’s the word? I think it’s malevalent? It’s the kindness and goodwill thing, I think that’s banevelent actually. Anyway, I joked about wanting to use a gun, one of my cousins has one, so he jokingly and kind of seriously said no and that I’d not be touching his guns anyway, not in that blunt tone, but that’s how he meant it in a joking way, but final and definitively as well. So the jokes went around, but the truth came out! They understand how horrible my grandparents are, they understand my emotional pain. They understand how oppressive they are to sick people, using old-school ways of handling things/reactions, knowing full well that times have changed and we realise these ideas don’t work. Well they’re just wrong for deliberately using pain for their entertainment, like they’re being nice but meaning harm, but you don’t know that till later. Like if I poisoned your food with arsenic and you thought you were ill, so I lie to you and you go to hospital and live, yet secretly I hate you. That’s only an example, but that’s how I feel around my grandparents, when they treat me badly when I’m sick. My two doctors at the hospital had to protect me and my grandmother from hurting each other, her emotionally hurting me, me physically throwing up on her, then decking her. Haha it’s funny now, but luckily I didn’t throw up, and I didin’t deck her, but no it wasn’t funny at the time. Anyway I hope thiss comment isn’t too long-winded, thanks for your support! I really love the feedback on here, and yet after getting a bit of perspective from the doctors about upcoming surgeries and how to handle drug side effects, things are better. As for handling my grandparents, my family is helping me out with that, so I don’t use a gun, or a noose.