Today was emotionally draining. I was upset and hurt for petty reasons. I hate not being in control of my emotions, especially when I hurt others while spiraling out of control.
Sometimes, when I’m sad, I’ll put up this front because I don’t want people to take pity on me. I don’t want them to see me as one of those overly dramatic girls who is unhappy with their life for ridiculous reasons. Because of this, I often say things to people that I regret the moment the words spill out of my mouth.
I said something rude to my friend Mike today. I’m still angry with myself for saying something so hurtful. It’s like when I put up this front, I become another person. I say nasty things that I’d never think to say. Sometimes I believe it’d be better to just push everyone away…that way I wouldn’t be able to hurt them. If I don’t surround myself with people, I won’t have anyone to take my emotions out on. They don’t deserve to be treated the way I treat them sometimes.
I really do care about all of them. I wish I was better at showing it.
3 comments
I can relate, about three hours ago my bfn broke up with me all because he didn’t understand that I wanted to know he cared about me, I tried talking to my best friend about it first, but she told him what I said when she really didn’t understand the situation. then when I told her that he was breaking up with me she said ‘okay’ I was confused cause she is almost always there for me (when I fell like she won’t judge me) then she said ‘ I honestly have no words’.
so I delta with a breakup and my best friend being angry with me simultaneously, so now it’s one of the lowest moments of my lifevand inhale no one to turn to.
I just wanted to make things better, but like always, I made everything fall apart.
…I’m only getting through it by telling myself that life goes on, because it does.
and I have considered the same as u b4, trying to stay awaynso that u can’t hurt anyone, I”ve tried it hun, it didn’t work, it only hurt them more in my case.
Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry… I’ve been in a similar situation. That’s really hard, especially when your best friend is supposed to be the one you can turn to. I love my best friend, but I don’t feel as though I can really talk to her about the way I feel and how hurt I am most of the time. She’s one of those people that can’t relate to things like that.
I hope things improve for you, I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with all of that. Feel free to talk to me anytime. Hang in there girl.
thanks livingstar, and I’m feeling better knowing that I’m not alone.
I hope you do better too, but just don’t try to stay away from the ppl you love for fear that u may hurt them, because avoiding them actually hurts them more, I’m a lot like you and I’m always trying to come up with a solution so that I don’t blurt out the wrong things, I’m determined to try and stop accidentally hurting others.
I believe that you can achieve the same:)