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Pushed to the Edge

by scar

I can’t cope, I feel so hopeless and pained. My friend has just publically humilated me with her boyfriends help and got others to join in, she knows how vunreable i am right now and for her to do this hurts so much to me. I want to die, I want to die so badly, I sat in my living room by my family wishing so much that I could walk upstairs and slit my wrists so deep and just bleed to death. I slowly walked upstairs, picked up my razor crying and cut.


But ofcourse I only did it how i usuall did it, staight horizontal lines across my wrist, nothing too serious, well nothing that would kill me atleast. But somehow the normally reassuring dripping of my blood is not sufficing me, Im alone. So very very alone, I cant speak to my parents they dont understand, Im alone in this world. I just want to leave it, why do I not have the strength to kill myself. I guess it scares me but I just want to. That would show them all, I want them to be wrecked with guilt as they know that all of them helped slightly to kill me. That they were in a sense murderers. I haven’t felt so low in such a long time, I need to get away from all of them. From all the pain.


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NothingAmI 1/28/2013 - 7:16 pm

Hi, Scar. That’s an intense post. I wish I had some valuable advice… What I can offer is camaraderie. I, too, feel “[s]o very very alone… Im alone in this world. I just want to leave it.” And feeling betrayed on top of feeling very alone, well, it’s profoundly hurtful. I won’t spout some vacuous platitude here–that would insult your intelligence and your experiential validity. But if you ever want to vent, to share with someone who’ll listen and won’t judge. I’m glad to offer the fraternity.

catfreak 1/28/2013 - 9:07 pm

I understand the intense feeling of loneliness and I’m sending you some love and hugs! Cutting isn’t the answer, I too relate to the frustration of not cutting deep enougj. Don’t worry these feelings will pass. Nothing is forever, no feeling is forever x

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