It’s a struggle having to hide my depression for fear of being judged. I feel like most people wouldn’t be able to understand depression which is understandable because how can you understand what you haven’t gone through? but I feel that because I feel as though I’m going to be judged by other people I’ve become very closed-off and that has played a part in some of my problems today like why I don’t like meeting people, why I don’t trust people, why I have anxiety and self-esteem issues,etc. . It really hurts me that I feel like I can’t be open about my depression because of the stigma that comes with it and not just my depression but about other things too because I’m afraid of being judged and because of this I feel very weak when it comes to people not understanding me so I just let them control my thoughts and to me it makes me feel like I don’t  belong to myself  and like I have to please everybody.
I am my worst critic I judge myself  because I’m paranoid that someone else is going to judge me so I do it before they get the chance to.The stigma of mental illness aside,  I feel like people judge what they don’t know and the more they don’t understand it the more they judge regardless of what explanation you give them. Just because a person is different from you in any way doesn’t mean that their way of thinking or of doing things is wrong and not everyone’s views line up with each other and if they don’t then you’re weird or strange to other people .I’ve been judging myself a little too much and trying to please other people to the point where it drives me crazy and I feel like the negativity around me has been getting to me and I don’t want to judge negatively because to me it feels like poison and just makes me more critical of myself and I don’t want to look at people  and things and only see the negative.
Thank you for taking the time to read this I know it was a lengthy read but it does mean a lot because I’ve been trying to say this for about two months now but didn’t know how to express it.
4 comments
I dont know why you are speaking of stigma. Depression is as extended as the Hip Hop stuff, whatever that dance is.
I would say even more, almost everybody has been or will be depressed sometime in their lives. There are all kinds of gradations there, and in many occasions people dont know that they are being grabbed by depression little by little. Sometimes it is traumatic as when the lost of someone, some times it is a slow process of being hurt over and over and over and fucking over million times as in microtraumas.
In today’s world it is very difficult to escape from it.
So, nothing to worry about mate, with regards to being stigmatised.
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Truth be told, most people don’t understand depression. They understand being sad for brief times, but not real depression. It is important to share these feelings with people who won’t just tell you to forget about it of pull yourself out of it. That’s what makes this site so valuable.
Thank you and hopefully I’ll be able to be more open on this website
The reason I spoke of stigma is because of the people around me saying “you’re not really depressed..it’s all in your head” I only mentioned it a little bit though