tainted..

I thought you were perfect. how could I have been so very wrong? I trusted you. you lost that trust when you touched me when you weren’t supposed to. I hold in this anger every day. you should  have never touched me. I didn’t give you permission. you wouldn’t stop.. I can’t stop remembering the sun on your back.. I was too far away to scream. no one would have heard me.. I tried to push you off. I told you no. I begged you to stop. just STOP. but you got what you wanted in the end. you always got what you wanted.. I was just a body. I wasn’t a person in that moment. I was nothing. I am unclean. I am tainted. impure.  when it was over you stood up and acted like it was nothing. you didn’t threaten me. I was numb. my dad called my phone and I answered. WHY DIDN’T I TELL HIM THEN WHAT HAD HAPPENED. you forced yourself on me and then told me you loved me. like you didn’t just…. I hate you. I hate you. I HATE YOU. and now I have to see your face every day in the hallways and I see you laugh and joke around like you’re on top of the world. and everyone loves you. how would they feel if they knew the truth of what you did? I could tell them. tell everyone. but then I would look foolish. everyone would think I was stupid. so I suffer silently.. alone. no one knows how it feels to be so unclean. to be so tainted.