I sat calmly next to my best friend, she wrote a long note, we talked, she cried, then was free. 12 Gauge Shot gun, duct taped barrel to bite down in her mouth on rifle pushed agianst the wall, back to side of the bed. I held her tight as she pulled the trigger. Next up…
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6 comments
did your friend die?
huge mess, head is mostly gone, blood everywhere, bone, brain … words cannot …
Someone has to clean that up… i don’t envy them. Are you going the same way?
Honestly ctb-driver, not everyone is going to affirm you for your strength in this situation. What you did was unbelievably courageous. You gave companionship, kindness, and empathy to someone who was at the very end of their rope. You could have forced her to die alone, but you didn’t. There are very few people of your caliber in this world.
What you witnessed is as traumatic as scenes get though. I can imagine you feel like a mess right now and can’t get the image out of your head. That’s normal. What you do from here on out is up to you though. Your friend is gone, but you are not. I would suggest taking a bit of time before deciding your own fate, as right now you may not be in the best place to make decisions. You’ve witnessed one of the bleakest things our world has to offer, so feeling out of sorts is a given.
Ultimately, I believe in your right to die at the time of your choosing. Only you can decide if there are things left to live for. Still, I would talk about this with people in your life; the Internet cannot give you the face-to-face support you need right now.
Take care, and thank you for being strong enough to put yourself aside to make someone comfortable in their final moments. Not many people will ever know how much you sacrificed to do that.
JustTooLate hit on something crucial. It’s nigh impossible to extricate oneself from a paper trail that ends with a decapitated cadaver in one’s apartment bedroom. Worse still would be recovering any semblance of mental health after holding someone tight while they shot themselves in the face. There again, it would make a difference whether it were a rifle or a shotgun. Nevertheless I doubt we should read anymore from ctb-driver here.
ctb-driver, are you still there? I can’t even find a listing of the post I responded to earlier this month. Your post was usurped by people defending a woman whom I criticized, perhaps too harshly, for her mindless response to your serious feelings. She manipulated all the attention toward herself. I can’t find any posts from you since.
Did you say you are 50? I’m 68. However, my life is better now, perhaps because I live out in Nature where everything is real. I bought 3 acres of forest land in 1985, lived in a trailor for years, did all my own subcontracting for clearing, well, septic, etc; because I knew I wouldn’t survive unless I had a peaceful place in which to do so.
If you are still there, I hope you can find your peaceful place. If you are no longer on Earth, I hope you are in a peaceful place or have found oblivion, are no longer in pain. I know that pain all too well. May the Force be with you. I’m not a God person but I do believe in vibes.
Peace out.