Still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I wish I had never grown up. I’m lost and not sure I want to be found. It feels like I just exist. It doesn’t feel like I’m meant to do anything great, or really anything at all. I hate my job. I hate where I live, how I live. I hate who I’ve become, and who I’ve not become. I used to have hopes and dreams but now I just like to sleep and let my dreams take me away from reality. I don’t think killing myself is the answer though I think about it everyday but I don’t think living like this is possible for much longer. I have no real life friends anymore. I’ve either pushed away the ones who cared or left the ones who didn’t. I have no connection with anyone anymore. In the past I’ve used sex just to feel like I had a connection but I’m just numb. Numb or have immense anger for no reason. No one is interested in helping me. They only tell me what I’m doing wrong. I’ve tried to see phycologists before but it just feel weird sitting there. I don’t like talking about myself and they are never helpful. One even brought in crayons, seriously?!? Did you even check the age on my chart. And drugs don’t help much either. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m just waiting to die. Waiting for something to kill me. Waiting for a car accident. Waiting for cancer to strike me down. Just waiting… Endlessly.
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Hi Anna. I can somewhat relate to your situation and I believe that many others can as well. When I was in university, I dreamed of being a doctor and helping people, while making a lot of money in the process. But reality set in and I realized that I didn’t have the GPA necessary to get into medical school. So I went to teachers college and became a teacher. I just had to change my goals in life. You have to find meaning to your life. Don’t give up on life.
Yes. This.
I just posted something and I feel the same exact way. I’m just waiting to die, there feels like nothing is going to happen to make it better, and I’ve had 30+ years to have a life but everything falls to shit. I am waiting to die as well, and just hoping it is relatively painless.