What It Might Matter, My Story

At Age ten I lost connection with the world when I started talking again to my father who was in jail at the time and I haven’t seen in person at the age of four before we moved from our Arizona home all the way to North Carolina. I was told but my mom that she can’t trust me and that I had betrayed her. Our relationship has plummeted to the ground. As I type this shes sitting across the room looking at me every once and a while at me wondering what I’m typing, and she’s probably thinking real hard about something stupid because I’ve lost the love towards her. My step dad whose been put trough just as bad stuff if not more tries to understand and when finally gets the point im suffering, does nothing to help. My seven year old sister sits in sadness and tries to hide it all the time but I see what I have in her eyes. Depression. I hate being at my house. All it dies is remind me of the sadness. I have a boyfriend, had. Matt, he’s going through the same thing. He’s had rough, his mom dies  young and can barley remember her. If she where here he wouldn’t be the same.  He took a break from us because he wants to help me when I wanted to help him when we cant help our selves. It’s a marry go round of Hell. I miss the things between us before things got so bad. The suicide rate is up now days and we understand why. I have tried to kill myself many times. I can’t tell you how awful it gets sometimes when I’m alone. Do any of you feel this way to? All I listen to is hard core rock and metal and any song about death or sadness. I wish that I didn’t walk alone. The days Feel like years when I’m Alone. I could sit here and try to name all the times I’ve tried but I have never succeeded because I can get what I need for now to hide my pain. Whether that be sex,drugs, alcohol. One Day It Wont Be Enough.