So my horoscope tells me that its hard for me to be emotional. Is it really? Well my family tends to think so. In my mind I always feel like committing suicide. At one moment I can feel so HAPPY that my family thinks Iâ€™m always the happy child and then at the next I feel so lonely, and secluded, out of place. I never fully understand what triggers my feeling to go up and down. When I was in class 7 I lied to my friends telling them that Iâ€™m an expert at self harming but honestly I never even dared to try it. It was not until later that year that I tried it and it made me feel so much better. From then on it was a way to escape every highs and lows in my life. Now Where Iâ€™m from there are a lot of teenagers who cut themselves only to gain attention. They post pics of them self harming all over the web and now I feel I cant tell anyone in my family because theyâ€™ll probably think that Iâ€™m in this for the attention. I recently watched this video about this high school girl who committed suicide after she was bullied in school and on the internet. She used to post this videos on YouTube telling her personal story about her battle with students and then she committed suicide. The funny thing was nobody cared for her when she was alive but as soon as she died all these people who practically ruined her life pretended to be her best friends. It makes think about what a sick , unbearing world we live in. Friends have often asked me about where my scars come from and i just tell them lies which they believe. it really does suck having no one to talk to. sometimes its just un bearable. Is this what my LIFE has come to?
I don’t think life is easy for anyone. Even people who seem to be happy have plenty of problems. If there are people in your life who care about you, be honest with them about your problems. Take it from someone who’s an expert at bottling things up. If they care about you, they’ll stand by you even if they can’t understand what you’re going through. Find the courage to seek help for your problems, because believe me, they aren’t just going to go away on their own.
You know what? That’s why I don’t believe in the “Please don’t do it cos your family and friends and other people care about you…” shit. I don’t believe in it. You should be doing things based on your own feelings about yourself, not based on whether people do or don’t care about you. People just say that crap to make excuses because they don’t want to admit that we know what’s right for us. Really that’s all it is. People are only ever sad when they lose what they thought they wanted to lose, and it’s a guilt trip to make us feel bad. Just don’t worry about the people who make excuses like that I reckon.