Whats In My Mind

So my horoscope tells me that its hard for me to be emotional. Is it really? Well my family tends to think so. In my mind I always feel like committing suicide. At one moment I can feel so HAPPY that my family thinks I’m always the happy child and then at the next I feel so lonely, and secluded, out of place. I never fully understand what triggers my feeling to go up and down. When I was in class 7 I lied to my friends telling them that I’m an expert at self harming but honestly I never even dared to try it. It was not until later that year that I tried it and it made me feel so much better. From then on it was a way to escape every highs and lows in my life. Now Where I’m from there are a lot of teenagers who cut themselves only to gain attention. They post pics of them self harming all over the web and now I feel I cant tell anyone in my family because they’ll probably think that I’m in this for the attention. I recently watched this video about this high school girl who committed suicide after she was bullied in school and on the internet. She used to post this videos on YouTube telling her personal story about her battle with students and then she committed suicide. The funny thing was nobody cared for her when she was alive but as soon as she died all these people who practically ruined her life pretended to be her best friends. It makes think about what a sick , unbearing world we live in. Friends have often asked me about where my scars come from and i just tell them lies which they believe. it really does suck having no one to talk to. sometimes its just un bearable. Is this what my LIFE has come to?