Why do I do this to myself?

I know for a fact that I get too emotionally involved when i watch movies/read books about depression/suicide/self harm. So why the hell do i still do it? When i do this i start to think of how shitty my life is. This makes me start to feel physically sick. They either make me feel like i have no reason whatsoever to be depressed and suicidal or they give me that false Hollywood hope. The characters always have some huge overwhelming problem that makes them depressed or whatever. Me? Well I’m just haunted by my past (been bullied badly), do poorly in school, rarely see my mum (parents divorced and she goes back and forth between states for work), have no friends, and my dad has a ***** of a girlfriend that we’ve been living with for almost 5 years now. Compared to Hollywood’s model of a depressed and suicidal teen, well I’ve got no reason to feel this way. It’s either that, or they have some insanely impossible happy ending, like The Perks of Being a Wallflower– he just magically makes all these friends and lives happily ever after with his new girlfriend. I mean, COME ON! Like something like that would ever happen? I’ll just magically make friends and have a boyfriend within 6 months? Yeah, right.