So, I’m not entirely sure what I hope to gain from this, maybe closure? I don’t know. Not even sure how this would give me closure, or what I need it for…
If I had to describe a depressed person, I doubt I would use me. Someone with a job, caring family, good friends, hobbies. Hell even my dog is great. Yet there is just all the small things. My job is lacking, and kinda crappy. My family… for lack of a better phrase, doesn’t understand me. My friends are funny, good to be around, but I wouldn’t say that any bonds are really there. It isn’t that people dislike me, I am often told I am funny and likable. I am socially anxious yes, but go out and have fun
It is more like I am just not happy. More than that, I am miserable. I am almost incapable of not escaping it. It never leaves, just hangs over me like it has for years now. I tried suicide before, failed and got help. But now what they taught me isn’t working, getting up in the morning takes more and more work. I just want to sleep for the rest of these days. Maybe it is selfish, but if I am simply miserable all the time except for a few hours every few days, is it wrong? I just don’t know…..
Sorry for the wall of text.
It sounds to me like you’re not depressed in the clinical sense, though you sound really bored with your life as it is. Maybe try doing some new things with your family or friends? Its easy to get stuck in a rut.
Perhaps, you are going through a similar stage as I have been going through for the past three years. Essentially, my internal self has completely collapsed, and I completely lost my goal, motivation, vision, relationship, happiness in life. I simply lost it all, and have been trying to start over ever since. Nothing I do ever makes me feel anything inside. For a long time, I don’t even know what I am doing here on this planet.
It is very easy to think “eh.. is that it? is that all I can expect from myself…from this life? what is the purpose again?”