I want to do it, but like some people I have my reservations do to the simple fear: What if I fail. What if my suicide doesnt go smoothly, what if I mess up or half way through chicken out and its an unsuccessful suicide and I like.
I could live with the family knowing that I wasnt as happy as I appeared, and the disapointment of me not going to them. But would I get fired from work? I work in mental health, I deal with depressed and suicidal people all the time. We talk about what is worth living for and so on. I have wrote pro’s and con’s I have called 1800 numbers but still, nothing in my life is worth living for. There is nothing, I work to pay bills and pay bills to be able to stay up till 1am crying in my small room till I fall asleep and then waking up at 5 to start my day and do it all over again.
I have no other choices I feel like, but if I fail I dont want to lose my Job. Its a good job, I like it well enough. I dont know, I hate it all and I hate me.Â 🙁