I feel ignored…even by you guys 🙁
February 2013
I must have been around 8 or 9 when my mother first brought me to a psychologist. I had to draw a tree and had to talk to the lady. Obviously I must have been depressed but I didn’t know the word for it. When I was 21 I did three suicide attempts over a 2 year period. The internet did not exist then and my method of trying to die humanely (sleeping pills – Lorametazepam to be exact) were not to succeed. Sleeping pills in combination with a bag: no use either. I was only left with the humilation of waking up in a […]
I look up and see the clouds above me. I feel pain and only pain when the rain falls. It feels like acid eating at my skin.
I feel pain with every key stroke on this post. I know you don’t get it. IT ALL HURTS.
I feel pain when see my phone, a piecing pain that shoots through me for every text from my so called friends.
The fake smile I put on for the world to see pulls on my heart telling me to cry. I stay dehydrated so IÂ don’t cry so none knows.
I stay strong don’t let it show. I see the faces of […]
yeah, so this is the first time im posting something on this site, 3 weeks ago, my friend Steve suicided in the cafeteria, everyone saw it, blood on the wall behind him, gun on the ground, I stayed in the cafeteria for 3 hours, then a teacher told me to go and relax. Im moving in 3 days, my parents are not together anymore, it feels really bad, plus my dad told me it was my fault, and my mom told me I was ”retarded”.. She told this to me because when I told her that I need help, the first thing she told to […]
spiral, a downward spiral. those two words: my life. I was going to kill my self, jump off a tower SURPRISE! i pass out and wake up to find out I have cancer (however the hell that works) then I find out that…SURPRISE! the cancer is spreading. (although I have to admit sstarving the cancer has worked a lot so thanks to those who suggessted that) I went back to school and duh, stupid me! I seriously thought they’d leave me alone since I had cancer, maybbe they’d show some sympathy instesd of hate….hell no. Surprise! i have so much anger toward the world inside […]
this is messing with my thought process. The endless cycle of bad, then good, then worse.. I dont like making decisions that i know will hurt my other relationships, like with my friends. After 6 days on break, where i was out of energy to really think about anything, and have everyone repeatedly tell me that hes not worth it, hes a fat, ugly guy who cant be a athlete, etc. He decides he wants to be with me. I felt instantly better because this kid has changed me in ways i dont understand. I really want to explain this to my friends, but they […]
I don’t like my life. I don’t like the fact that there is a daily routine which I dont like, yet I am forced to follow because of society. I can see most people are not happy, and only pretend. I’m sick of fake smiles and all the judgement. School is very stressful, I hate it. The only reason I think of college is not to study, but to have a new beginning elsewhere, no school and no stress.Yet that life seems somewhat impossible. In school everyone “grows” intellectually, yet our being is deteriorating. My suicide thoughts lately have been very strong. There was […]
I’ll start of with this, im a girl, a teenager, who’s constantly thinking about death, has panic attacks very often, loses control of myself at night sometimes, i just love the idea of causing harm to herself.
but these things..I don’t want them to be a part of me anymore, i want to move on. I want to hold on to the littlest things in life,i want to survive this. until maybe around 12 hours ago I was just so ready all i needed were the right pills. but certain people, in my life, they just mean so much to me and i know that […]
I took the pills….
Two summers ago my dad died by an accident. Since then I’ve been fearing everything. I’m afraid of losing my friends and my other family members, I fear that they die too, that they got hurted, that they fall in depression, that they do harm to theirselves… I cry very often just thinking about what should I do that nothing bad would ever happen even I know that it’s something I can’t help. The fear drives me crazy and it disturbs my daily life.
I feel so selfish and stupid all the time. I feel like I don’t deserve to be around these amazing friends. […]
im just about to fail my college course, no social life and no direction to go on in life. My fault or Aspergers, probably a bit of both. I kept telling myself I would throw in the towel But something always came up, such as a job or better college performance.
i thought about suicide by starvation or dehydration, i tested it and after three days i stopped feeling hungry. i know it can be painful but there are ways to mininmize the pain. i feel that i am on lifes last legs and my options have run out.
the month of february has been quite eventful for me. unfortunately none of the events have been good. mentally i am a mess. underneath the usual depression there is a sense of panic stricken terror. something awful is coming but i can’t identify what it is. something is going on with my physical health. bp is way high which is unusual for me. the jitters, dizziness and sense that i am not in control are scaring the shit out of me. it is like one badass panic attack that continues day after day. usually when i am stressed like this i write. but lately i […]
2 weeks ago during vacation my dad, my sister and I had a fight.
Fights aren’t unusual, so you may understand that we’re tired of fights.
That’s how it went:
The evening went fine, my dad dropped my boyfriend of at the station and then proceeded to his own dinner reunion with his friends.
It was around 2am(I think?) he was back home.
I hadn’t heard or noticed him coming home.
According to my sister she did hear him take out some wine bottles to drink , before she dozed off back to sleep.
My dad went then upstairs and started yelling […]
Hey i really don’t know what to do anymore. For way to fucking long ive put up with my terrible life. Ive tried to kill myself twice, i got addicted to alchohol but now i dont even have that anymore because my parents locked it up. I dont even know whats wrong i have a pretty cushy lifestyle but i still hate it. I cant try to kill myself again because last time i tried a lot of people got in trouble and i dont want that to happen again. i dont have any friends, i used to have one who cared about me but […]
This is a message for all of the students on Suicide Project. If you’re feeling depressed or suicidal, you should try talking to a teacher who you feel comfortable talking to. Teachers are there to help you, but if you don’t tell them how you’re feeling, they will assume that you are okay.
to get a free copy type peaceful pill pdf into Google
Ryunosuke Akutagawa – “such voluntary death must give us peace”
It has been awhile that I’ve been running around tired.
I’m not saying I’m desperate.
I’m someone who’s used to loneliness, and wouldn’t even want to change that.
I always lock myself in my room, but that’s not a way of living is it?
It so happens that my boyfriend got mad at me today, being mad isn’t that horrible is it?
Then why does it make me cry?
I hid myself the moment I realised he decided to leave me again.
When this happens he would walk off and pretend I never existed, and somehow […]
Ve been avoiding him since this semester began.i ddnt want to let him know that i was on probation..although he was real kind to me during my fresh my fresh man years..but i never wanted him to think i was a failure.. Well i wouldnt have to avoid him anylonger cus he just died yesterday..
Rip lambert
im gonna end up sounding like a shallow whiny ***** but why why why am i so ugly? being ugly is somehow the source of all my problems. my life would be so much easier if i were pretty.i hate being me i want to be so much more. i hate my eyes, i hate my ears, i hate my smile, i hate my nose, i hate my teeth, i hate my shoulders, i hate my arms, i hate my body, i hate my hips, i hate my legs, so that pretty much sums it up, i hate myself. when i say im ugly, its […]
I’ve had a hard lively mother was a drug addict, I’ve been molested, raped and hurt. I live with my loving sister now and life has been ok. However that’s not why I’m writing tonight. I fell in love and I had to leave him because of drama and all these other things. I gave myself to him. I wanted it to last but it couldn’t. I started dating another person.he is sweet and smart. But my ex is making more drama. His sisster who isn’t really his disaster came up to me and said she was going to beat me up. I do […]