I’ll start of with this, im a girl, a teenager, who’s constantly thinking about death, has panic attacks very often, loses control of myself at night sometimes, i just love the idea of causing harm to herself.
but these things..I don’t want them to be a part of me anymore, i want to move on. I want to hold on to the littlest things in life,i want to survive this. until maybe around 12 hours ago I was just so ready all i needed were the right pills. but certain people, in my life, they just mean so much to me and i know that they’d be sad, if i went away..i can name them on my fingers, but id HATE to bring sadness, upon those who cared. so whether i like it or not, i have to hold on. this site, right here, is my secret place noone knows about, where i can post stuff i need to remember, where i can vent out everything,you guys help me so much with your comments and just,that feeling that I’m not alone,being among people who feel like you do. it’s inexplicably great. So I’ll just say,i love you all, you guys are with me in my little secret place.
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Hi Dead eyes,
your comment to bloody was very nice I liked that, I know your pain and the pain of the loved ones pain proper catch 22, who ever made us is a clever sod. Remember life is about moments so it is only a case of improving a small part of your moments to create better memories which feed your sense of self worth (being suicidal or not being suicidal) easy to explain hard to deliver.
For your panic attacks figure out what it is that makes them happen, what your scared of, then face that fear look it right in the eye and say “You’re not so bad”, I cured some of mine with humor but i wouldn’t advise it as it bites you in the ass a little.
Little things do help and unless your like me a pathogenic depressant who cures himself then does not learn his lessons I’m sure you will be smiling huni.
Hope you break the cycle,
All my best
Nocternal
Not wanting to hurt your loved ones is an excellent reason to stay alive…and in time hopefully you’ll find that life holds enough other interesting stuff to keep you around as well.
Haha I was trying to explain this site to my therapist today and no matter what positive thing I said she thought it was unhealthy and I’d be better off finding a different kind of site for support. Pffft! I like it here. We just have to remember that our posts do get read, we are heard…even if we don’t get a lot of comments sometimes.
I also liked your post. I hope your desire to not hurt for others GROWS into not wanting to hurt for yourself. Cuz YOU are worth even more than *they* are. Depression just makes it impossible to see your own value.
Hang in there.
Nocternal, yes I know,thank you, im really trying my very best to hold on. well,what im most scared of is myself. i lose control sometimes. like i’ll cut myself up so bad at nights, forget about it totally and wake up with blood on the sheets..thats what im scared of. i hope i will,thank you for everything<3
SadBk,yeah i know..thats just been keeping me alive for so long, i dont wanna leave them like that,ever.
Oh, no they will never get it! i havent told anyone, i know they'd just assume the worst but the feeling, is only understandable when you experience it,yknow? Hahaha yeah and therapists,they'd never get it. yeah exactly, we're all heard. its okay to post whatever you feel inside here, it relieves you, and there are people who feel the same. like a family.
freak, thank youu,so much for that. yeah i hope it does too..they'd be hurt as well you know? yeah it really does..
i will,thanks,you should too.x
I think therapists should actually read some of the comments on here before judging 🙂
You’re right eyes, letting it out is a big help, when I’m at my end writing always helps. Don’t know about you but I find going to sleep is the worst time if I find a way to beat that I will let you know.
P.s. how can you take The Rapists seriously 🙂 and realize in most cases your teaching them.
SadBk, yes they really really should(:
Nocternal, yeahh, me too. going to sleep is horrible. and thats when i do the most damage. okay,thank you:)
haha yeahh
Hi eyes, hope you doing well, had some distraction mainly alcohol, this is my tool for damage, as you can see the passage of time seems faster, painful but faster.
I do hope your doing well, your story hit a cord with me, wish you all the best,
M