am i crazy?

I am a 13 year old girl, i don’t really want to die but i am really not happy.
I don’t want to die is because i feel i have still to much to in life and don’t have enough time.
I am in the 2 year of highschool and i do a really hard school and i a about 4 hours busy with homework every day, my parents think it is to hard for me but i REALLY don’t want to go to another school because i always feel like a have to work as hard as posible because if i didn’t i will have a bad future and my famaly will be disepointed even trought i know they wouldn’t. I do have a couple of friends but i don’t trust them en that they will let me down when i need them, everyone on my school thinks i am really happy because i always act hyper and happy but thats fake because i a not happy at al and my friends would be really shocked if they knew that i am depressed. My parents are divorced and that wasn’t easy at al because my parents hated eachother a long time and my parents fight a lot and my father was really agresife and hit my mother and me sometimes and me and my mother where really afraid of him when my mother kicked my father out he came back and there was even police infolved and it was really scary my liile sister was only 4 years old and i can remember when we hide under the bed when our parents where fighting. My sister is 8 years old right now and she can not remember the divorce very well but i can. One year after the divorce me and my sister saw my father again my sister was really happy but i was really afraid of my father, i am not anymore now but i still think he is disgusting. My sister and i go to my fathers appartment every friday and saturday. My sister really likes my father because she doesn’t know that he is a bad person because i found out that he has two other children from to diferent women about the age of 8 and . The year that those children where born was when my parents where still together and thats means he cheated on my mother twice! and i am sure he did it a lot more time and that disgust me. He had a couple of other girlfiriends after my mother about the age of 20 when he is 47! Those relationships didn’t lest long and one of his girlfriend got pregnant but after a short time he dumped her because he didn’t want a child a i never saw her and the kid again. Even now he is sitting on a lot of dattings sites with really young women when me and my sister are sitting in the room only my sister doesn’t notice. My mother also has a new boyfriend for about two years and they have also a child a boy he is 1 year now and i really love him. I think don’t love mother even when i want to i just can’t and i think about her being dead and i think think that is really funny for some reason. My mother is really naive and sensitive i really hate the way she cry’s so easy, i really hate crying i know holding your feelings inside is bad but i still crying is a weakness. I never been in love and i really don”t want to because it grosses me out when people give everything up for the people they love i promised to myself that i wil never be like that.
I also cut myself and scratch my self sometimes and i laugh when i am doing that and i laugh when i or other people are in pain and i think its really funny when people tell me secret because i feel like can use it against them sometime and i like it to watch people and watch them when they are happy, sad or in pain. I also think i am not afraid to kill someone the trought of it doen’t scare me and i think if i had yhe chance i would really do it , i feel like i am losing myself and that i am going crazy and i have weird laugher sometimes. I really like to have control over people and make them do wat it want.
am i crazy?
I understand that you don’t want such a long boring message but i really wanted to write this
please reply..