Awake,alive and alone

I ve tried hard to forget the fact that i am alone,i keep myself busy during the day with activities like reading,sleeping and browsing the net..but all this shit dont change nothing.cus the moment i step past that big iron gate to get to class,i begin to realise just how ugly and lonely my life is..my elder brother’s wife once told every one that i am a parasite.so i ve stopped asking anybody for financial help.i slowly fell from miserable into something worst.i am in college right now.and seeing my course mates happy,living the good life,going out for dates,using nice cars and phones.always reminds me of myself..i am lonely,and i am very very very aware of my lonely condition,.at one point in time i could have being considered to be brilliant,i was having good grades and my life seemed to be on point.not until i was transfrd to a new department and i probated.i dont think i will ever have a descent relationship with any one.i have tried but it seem to me like i am using the wrong style.so i never get to date the girls i ve met..i am just sorry my life is this way.and loneliness is becoming a part of me.i hate having dreams were i would find myself in a better position in life only to wake up to find myself ALONE in my small cold room.i love my life and i dont feel like dying but sometimes i seriously consider ending it up.my life is worst off than that of some of the many kids here,but i dont care.i just want to wait around and see what other trick this cruel world could bring up to try to bring me down.i am getting very weak and lazy this days and i think i need to quit body building,but still yet its the only thing that gives me a place as a human being.i just hate being lonely.i hate watching guys move in pairs while i stand alone watching.i like being around people,but nobody wants me around. People only come around when they think i am up to something or when they need to learn something after that,its all me,myself and i,sitting alone on the citrus park bench.I AM SO ALONE