My dad told me in the car the other day that I was going to hell.
I ate at a Chinese buffet and got a fortune cookie that said, “accept yourself.” I thought if I have already, then I’m a worthless piece of shit that no one wants. I’m invisible to most, but those who see me are disgusted and try to get rid of me, one permanently. They really shouldn’t waste their time, I’ll do it myself eventually. So, they just leave. If I haven’t accepted myself, I’m sure when I do I’ll kill myself realizing I’m worse than I think.
I can’t do this for four more years! I’m cutting and burning more and more. I want to die so fucking bad everyday! My stomach acid is up again (I physically can’t eat if I want to when its like this), but I’m done taking medicine! I think I’d rather starve.
I just don’t know what to do. In a nutshell, everyone wants me to die and they’ve convinced me I should. I don’t know why I’m still here, I don’t know what I want. No, I want to die, that’s my only feeling. Why am I still here, why am I wasting your time. I’m sorry if you read this I’m just a FUCKING USELESS ASSHOLE THAT NO ONE WANTS!!!
I want to die. I guess I’m afraid I’ll mess up again. I’ll get over it soon though.