I have everything yet …

Ok here is the thing…i have a great family , they love me totally..my hubby is kind and understanding. I have reecently been blessed by a baby boy hwo is just a bundle of cuteness. I am inconstant touch with my parents an brother who care for me deeply. I had a great job..which i hated hwne i had but now that i have been kicked out i realise how good it was. With all these gods blessings…i am totally a fucked up loser. I hate the fact that i cant find another job. I hate my son when heis needy and cries for me. I hate when i hear concern in my parets voice. I go into a rage and feel like kiling someone. Yet in all this i love to eat…that is one thingthat does not diminish. Needless to say i am obese and ugly. I wonder how i ….who had a charmed life managed to loose everything. I must be the worst because i hAve/ had everything and now i am going downhill fast …scarilly fast..oh hell why dont i just jump and makeit easier