I have friends! (But not really)

But really I don’t!I wish I did, and people tell me they are, and it seems that people want to talk to me, but I am alone. See I wanted to tell you, I have no friends! I live my life, and I know people, and those people talk to me, But they don’t care.What they care about is their ego, or their agenda. They don’t care about me or my problems.

There is this one girl. Who I like very much, and who I can sometimes confide in.

But I am that guy. That guy who is her friend. She doesn’t want to confide in me.

But I like her. A lot. Wait that is an understatement, I love her. What I am trying to say is that no matter what happens I feel alone, and I am suicidal because I feel alone

Does everyone else FEEL? Because even when the pain is so real, I feel so different. As if no one could compare themselves to me. I just want to know what is wrong with me. I wish that there was someone out there who would want to be with me. If that is so wrong then strike me dead (see what I did there).

Does anyone else every wonder why they feel isolated? Right now writing on this website is the most connected to any human being that I have ever felt. Talking to some one who seems like they are listening. Talking to someone who has no judgements. See sometimes I would commit suicide, but any route available to me seems to be painful.

1. Slitting my throat – would hurt like  a mofo but would be over in about 30 seconds.
2. Drowning myself – I am terrified of drowning
3. Downing a bottle of pills – I have never heard of someone describing pain felt from this, but liver failure seems like a pretty painful thing.
4. Jumping of  a building – I might not die, there’s a miniscule but very real chance I might not die.

The list goes on and on.

My complaints go on and on.

My life goes on and on.

I don’t want to go on.