I have nobody, I have nothing left to go on

I’m so tired of crying myself to sleep every night. I wake up in the morning crying. When I actually make it into work I fight back the tears until I can no longer take it, at which point I go cry in the bathroom. I’m in college and when I’m at school I managed to keep it together as far as not crying but I don’t hear anything the teacher’s saying. My mind is a clouded mess. I can’t focus on anything school related. All I can focus on is holding the tears back or all the thoughts that are constantly bombarding my mind. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep this up. So sick of looking in the mirror at my horribly swollen eyes. I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I’m hideous! I hate myself so much. I’ve lost anything important to me long ago. It’s been 2 years of misery since I left my boyfriend of 9 years.  We’ve remained friends throughout the past 2 years, occasionally we get together and that “getting together” is making me miss him like crazy. My heart aches and I don’t know what to do. He’s the only thing good I ever had in my life and now I have nothing. He was my best friend and I feel like he’s moved on and is seeing someone else. And this kills me inside because I always thought we’d get back together and someday get married but now I don’t know. My life is a mess and it’s getting so hard to hang on. He used to be my hope and now I have none. No reason to get up in the morning. No reason to even breathe again. I’m sick of this feeling. I’ve been seriously looking for ways to end my life because the pain has gotten to the point where I can’t function anymore. I can’t even fathom the idea of going through another week of this torment. I try to take it day by day but I know it’s just gonna be the same thing everyday. And that’s no kind of future I want or can stand. I have a whole bottle of sleeping pills I’ve wanted to take for the past few nights but am so sad of what it’ll do to my mom, my sister and especially my little brother. How much longer they continue to be the reason I hold on, I don’t know. I hope to be strong enough to not down that entire bottle. I’m trying is all I can say. I don’t really care if no one responds on here. I honestly just needed to get it out somehow and this is the only way I have. I have no one else to turn to. I have nobody, nothing. I’m incredibly lonely. Desperately lonely. My life will never be the same.