I just want to be done

I used to be the most popular (I hate that word) girl in my school. & in the whole district. For all good reasons though. Like I am a fun person to be around & I’m just a good person. I have two groups of friends.. Well I had two groups of friends. The one group is all bitches & their cheerleaders & the other one is all basketball players.. Even tho I don’t play I still fit in. But in the cheerleader group I was friends with the one girl who was really annoying & one time we went to camp together & we started drinking.. Because she asked me to & I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it.. But then I realized it was really fun.. At first.. So come New Years I was talking to my other friend in the same group of friends & I jokingly said “let’s drink!” & she’s like “yes seriously, bring alcohol please! It’ll be so fun!” So.. I did.. & she opened it & drank it but I didn’t.. & her mom came down & I know she didn’t see it but she claims she did & then she went & told everyone that I brought alcohol to her house& ever since then none of my friends have talked to me everyone that I had ever been friends with stopped talking to me & the only ones that pretend to be friends with me stab me in the back like no other. I have no one anymore. I went from hanging out with people every single weekend staying up watching movies & having inside jokes & talking about guys till 6 am to me spending my weekends by myself. The only friends I have are guys that use me. Also I am a slut. & I hate it. But it’s the only way I keep friends. I just want to die. This probably seems really stupid but it’s hard to explain how I feel. I went from popular to a nobody in just one night. It really goes to show who you can & can’t trust & I cannot trust anyone. I sent nudes to two guys older than me & so did my friend.. But no one knows she did it.. The two boys told everyone it was me & even after everyone found out I still kept doing it & it’s because I’m afraid they won’t like me if I don’t do it. & it makes me feel horrible. I have this constant feeling of guilt that hangs over me & I want it to go away. But it never will. I am a cutter & I constantly cut.. But I started dating this guy two years older than me & he treats me like idk but I really really like him.. He’s so sweet. & he is the only reason I haven’t cut in a month. I have a feeling he is using me though because I am a slut & I am always worried about it. I just want to be done. There is too much to worry about in life. It’s pointless. Why live if your going to die anyways? Why put up with the things that make you cry? Why are you just suppose to get over it?