Just a vent…

February 26th, 2013by sleepxdeath

Was this all just a dream…

Or was it just a nightmare…?
Was everything a lie…?
Cuz if feels like none of it existed
I remembered and cherished everything
I did this for us
I did this for you

After that first class trip, years we were attached to each other. Just wanted you by my side, all those times when we were apart. You were nothing but a heartache to my broken; dead soul. If only you could understand. I protected you, like we were supposed to be together. I only said the truth about you. I had always imagined you by my side… forever.

I remembered sitting in the back of my mother’s silver, Toyota. I remembered every time she inserted a cd into the cd slot in the car, every old song that had instruments reminded me of you. This other time, I remembered when my father took us to places. The places that I have gone with my father so many times when I was just a young child, I had shared you my past. I remember, it was in the middle of July, summer time, father and I invited you to join us for the afternoon, so you wouldn’t be bored at home. We drove to where they had the observatory, which was up on top of the hills. It is sad cuz all the guys and girls that I have ever been with, they weren’t you. We were both innocent and neither one of us wanted to change each other. We both examined life as it was. A beautiful adventure. This other time, we were with my father. Father drove us to the country side, a long memorable drive. I remembered every place that we have gone together. First a long drive to the country side, then to a small park. You were so quiet, so innocent and so sensitive. I did loved you for who you were. I had wished for us to keep on spending our lives with each other. I hated when we were a part. You were the only reason why I wanted to go back.

When we were always apart, I thought you knew how terrible it was. I thought you understood. 5 years ago, I did this for you. I wanted you to be free. I didn’t want you to suffer anymore, like how I had suffered. Besides being homesick, I had done so many mistakes just to keep myself to survive. I literally didn’t mean to break your heart. After all that you did, I thought it was fair. One you never wanted to be here with me anyways. When you told me that you never wanted to move here, you had no idea how much that killed my soul. I remembered I cried myself to bed. I didn’t tell you, only cuz i didn’t want you to worry.

Holding on is just a waste of time. For so long I thought you had waited for me. But instead, you mislead me.. I misjudged you in the beginning. I thought you were never going to walk and act like a child. You are how old; an adult? Doesn’t seem like it. To me, you are nothing but a lair now.

Also, how dare you tell me that I gave up; I never fully gave up on you. I pushed you aside, I never ditched you, I never missed a call from you did I? Did I ever complain when you would call? No. I was a truthful friend. Still, I tried to push you away the first time. I freaking tried my best to leave you alone. But I didn’t. I couldn’t leave you. I was there when you needed me the most. I was there when you told me you missed me so much. I was still there when I was going through hell. How dare you, screw me over. How dare you walk away from me when I NEEDED YOU THE MOST! Oh by the way, how dare you whine and complain and you dare have your mother tell me to move on. When I saw you, you could have told me straight up that you didn’t want me to be in your damn life anymore. You could have told me the truth in the beginning. But no you waited after a couple of years after I moved back to what I called home for so many years. Actually you told tell me the damn truth after I left that city.

Know what’s funny, I still protected you. I still sacrificed my soul. I blamed everything on myself and never blamed you. I cried myself to bed every night for half my life. I prayed so much just to protect you and your family. All the things that I did, I did mostly for you. And you say you can’t do everything for me. I NEVER WANTED YOU TO DO ANYTHING FOR ME! I just wanted you to be mine and to be there with me.

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