My purpose

Im approaching fifty, will be next year. Im a straight male, never married and no kids. I always wanted to be, and always thought i would be a great dad. I spent five years in the US Air Force and sadly got out. To this day, im regretful, it was my purpose in life to retire as a military man but i didnt, i live with this everyday of my life. As well as the fact never marrying or having kids, knowing that i will die and not leave my mark in this world. I have no friends, and havent had a girlfriend in a longtime, and never anything longer than 3 years. Now i just go from woman to woman for sex, usually its what they want to, the women im interested in never want anything to do with me, seems always about money, im cerrtainly not rich. Now i only find pleasure in working out, bicycling, movies and music, my mother and sister are the only ones i communicate with in my family, and i truly love my mothers dogs like they are my own. I deeply find connections in my life with the movies i watch and the music i listen to. Funny, the music i listen to is primarily vocal less. Synthesizer music with alot of heart, Arc, Redshift, Arcane, Spyra, Radio Massacre International, Rainbow Serpent. Favorite Movies: Blade Runner, Excalibur, Equilibrium, and so much more. I love animals and hate what man does to them especially dogs, it breaks my heart. I have been on meds and came off them, didnt like the side effects. I see a psychologist and psychiatrist. Does it do much? not really. I wake every day to the fact of feeling empty, having no purpose, and truly this is just terrible knowing no purpose. I want to die knowing my life meant something, i want to die noble man. Possibly saving another life and my life ending, knowing that my purpose was served. It just seems like there is no reason in life, i ask myself, where do i come from, how long do i have? where am i going? Im sorry for not properly paragraphing, im on a roll. So the depth of who i am, is my existence? why?

I dont cry, i dont know if i even feel anything anymore or cant realize if anything is there, i like to be alone and 99% of the time, i dont want to be near anyone.  The more i think i cant feel ANYTHING, at times i feel like a friggin machine with no feelings.  Maybe if i was on a deserted island it would solve my problems, then again, i would wish to be in society if that happened, so disruptive in my mind, it doesnt know when im coming or going.