My story; From the beginning.

June 20th 2011, a day I will never forget. That was the day I first started to have thoughts of suicide. They spawned from who knows where, it just happened. My family and I were on a road trip in an RV, I was going to the front to see the corn feilds whirring by, when suddenly, I dunno what came over me, but the once innocent eleven year old girl, grabbed the handle to the door, thank God it was locked, who knows what I might’ve done.

September 25th, 2011, My 12th birthday was here, shoulda been happy, but I wasn’t. Sure it looked like I genuinely was, but deep down there was this ever growing sadness, that would never leave. It came time to blow out the candles, and I made a wish as I did. “I wish to die.” i said to myself…

January 13, 2012, School, the horror of my life, not just because I hated it, in fact I loved learning. I just couldn’t focus while I was being tormented and ridiculed by everyone. I was the odd one, the depressed girl, but who’s to blame me then, after all, I had no friends. Unless my cat and books counted.

July 6th 2012, The day I told my mom I wanted to switch schools, I wanted to go to public school. At first she dis-agreed, but soon she gave in, I was to go to the middle school of my choice.

August 16th, 2012, first day of new beginnings, also the best day ever. that day I learned I could be myself, and I was happy, for a while. Until that sadness decided go take over again.

October 2nd, 2012, I used a mechanical pencil, at first I didn’t know what I was doing, but I dug it into my skin, I drew a heart and the words “bye love” whatever that meant…probably a way of saying goodbye. But none the less, that was the first type of ‘self harm’ i’d ever done, and I have a reminder of it on my arm.

November 23rd, 2012, I found a razor blade, the sadness crept up even more then, and so I cut myself, 16 times that night. wasn’t gonna be the last time either.

December 2nd 2012, First time I looked at myself and called myself fat, even if i only weigh about 94 pounds, first day I realized i had a case of anorexia, although I didn’t realize it, my friends did. They started begging for me to eat. It didn’t work.

January 2nd, 2013, I’m thirteen now and I have my first serious boyfriend, he’s done a pretty good job at knocking my walls down, and he’s gotten me to eat. 108 pounds now and increasing. And there seems to be not a trace of sadness in me except for when he has to go. Everything is perfect. for now. until he broke up with me…then I went downhill.
February 7th, 2013, that was it, the day I decided to jump, but before I could, I blacked out, I woke up in a hospital, just In time to find out I had cancer, apparently they found it when I was being treated, dunno how that works. I have thyroid cancer.

February 15th, 2013, That’s when I found out that the surgeons couldn’t remove all of the cancer, I would have to go to chemo.

February 17th, 2013, Today. still here, just a little while. thirteen year old, strait A student, I wanted to be a criminal justice lawer. Wanted to put the bad guys away. I was determined to do well in school. and now, I’m just a nothing. I am dying. and there is no way to give back to the world. Instead I’ll just fight.
xx, Jacqueline.