Stop telling me I should be somewhere, i should be helping something that doesn’t exist, stop telling me I’ve commited a crime stop telling me I am hurting people. I am not pathetic, stop filling me with guilt,paranoia, refrain from blocking deserving feelings of joy, acceptance, piece, excitement, love and pleasure. I didn’t do anything bad, stop telling me i did. Stop telling me time is running out or how the fate of the world rests on my hand. Do not lie to me and convince me That I am responsible for every war, fight, illness, failure, death or papercut.
Stop disconnecting my thoughts […]
February 2013
im ruining it. im fucking with it. im going back down in a never ending circle.
I seriously get fucked up on pills DURING SCHOOL? to get a high feeling? and shit did that work! wasnt long before my hands went blue i was freezing cold i had no sense of what was going on. i could barely speak, but i felt so good! my heart was pounding i could feel it perfectly! i just stared at random shit like a dumb fuck..when the school had to call my mom i was pissed..i then realized what a mistake i made..again. now im starting back at […]
I’ve had it. I’ll be homeless as of 3/4/13 – with my dog. I won’t give him up – we’ll die on the streets together. Can’t get into a shelter because of dog.
I know nothing of this type of lifestyle – homeless, that is. Frankly, I’ve always lived a somewhat cushy life compared to that. At least I had shelter, a bed, food, access to showers, etc.
I don’t think I can do this. I really don’t. I’ve thought and thought of how I can kill both of us. I know many will think […]
Will i make it if i try?
If any of you beautiful people need anyone to talk to I’m here for any of you! Just email me and we will have a heart to heart and I promise you I will do everything I possibly can to help you. You’re all beautiful and worth a million.
My email:
katie9-kool@hotmail.com
Please I’m here for you.
I hope you can feel me reach out, to you, there,
I want you to feel my touch, my love, my care,
I want you to be my angel, and be with me,
If you just reach back, we will forever be,
Help me fight it back, and hear me call,
I need you to help, and to prevent the fall…
I will see your eyes, and behold your love,
For if I can’t, I’ll find you in the heavens above,
I will hold you close, and caress your skin,
And if I couldn’t do that, I would die within,
I will make it go away, […]
Is it after another oxy cottin pill, or after sex with 10 more sexy guys… i always say.. ok ok ima do it after i have sex again or after i pop this last oxy pill.. but really.. i gotta just do it.. theres always that well after this or that.. but that goes on and on… sex is great and i can get it whenever i want.. but i really need to step up my A game and find a sutable method to commit suicide so i can rest in peace.. which will be soon.. i need to plan for my funeral.. my ex […]
the Japanese have such a great seance of honor when they fuck up they choose death how noble i cant want to join them there such an inspiration
nothing bad about death just the thing that comes before it which is the fear of it -seneca
we must travel in direction of our fea – john berryman
maybe i just want attention, but i feel like i’m sick of all this. everyone around me is wearing a mask (including me) and its disgusting. but if we took our masks off it would reveal a face just as horrific. i see the beauty in sceneries, and music, but its not enough. i want more. i want this lifetime and all the ones proceeding it to be not so shitty. and not just for me, for everyone reading this. for everyone who feels like they’re being judged and have to put up some constant act or barrier around themself. “we’re only human” i keep […]
I have resented my breath since before I can remember, and every morning that I survive I, and everyone that has come to know me regrets my existence.
I battle with extreme thoughts of suicide hourly, and suicidal tendencies that accompany those that thinking are just making me number to each day. I am struggling, and I cannot break free. I just want to stop. I just want to be done. I feel no happiness in life…and I need help.
The problem is, I have no medical insurance to admit myself into a hospital. I need something to change. I feel like that is the only way…but […]
MY most recent attempt to enter into a relationship with someone ended in bitter failure. As have the last 13 attempts I’ve made in the past few years. I’m 19 years old, have only one friend (that I barely talk to), and am still a virgin.
I am going no where in my life. I’ve never had a job, and likely won’t anytime soon. I’m far too lazy and pathetic to actually accomplish anything. What makes it worse is that I had such high hopes for myself when I was in high school. As I look around my university I notice people who are much more […]
A very good friend of mine took 8 extra strength Tylenol pills at one, what will happen??  Is she in danger? She’s been in a mental Hospital before because of her depression and doesn’t want to go back. But I don’t know what to do?
Today was shitty…
The few friends I have are mad at me and won’t talk to me.
My parents are fucking assholes.
I’m sick of people at school.
I want to die. It’s that simple, every little thing that possibly has been able to has sucked lately.
Or maybe it’s just me…
unacceptable…
unappreciated…
unaccepted…
unheard…
unnoticed…
HATED!
It probably was a good day for anyone normal. I guess it is just me.
I hope everyone is okay tonight. Please sleep well. *hugs*
So today is my birthday & the anxiety I was feeling over it wasn’t even ok.. It started off horribly, then the surprises began. Friends gave me balloons, notes, baked goods, gifts and candy. At that moment I realized how important I must be… people don’t give birthday gifts to those who aren’t important.
Then, I went out to a fancy dinner with my mom & sister. As we ate at this expensive restaurant, I realized how important I must be to my family as well. We wouldn’t be going out if I wasn’t.
Today I realized I can’t die, because despite my own ideas, I’m important. I must […]
Today hasnt been any different than yesterday. I went to school and had the same “warm” greeting. ‘Jessica just go away!’ got told off twice for not having my homework, and the end of the schoolday, the same amazingly kind words. “You’re not ALLOWED to be with your friends! They all hate you anyway!” as usual, I tried to be smart and confident and brush it off, but I cant… I just cant, because that kind of stuff hurts. I dont know why I deserve that kind of treatment, to be honest.
I get home, work on the 3 different projects to be done, older sister […]
been planning for 2 years. I’ve tried several times.. but in all honesty is not easy to commit suicide.. but I know that I’ll try again soon.. just gotta find the right pills
Hi everyone, im just telling you all ill be away for a while indefinite. I just need to sort a few things out dont know what will happen meanwhile but wont be around. My head is clouded with too many thoughts, i need to figure things out before something actually happens. But ill return before the time comes to say hello and goodbye to all of you, the old and the new! So see you around sometime <3