What do you do after you’ve promised to tell the truth? You’ve promised to not fall back into this. Then suddenly, you realize you can’t tell the truth. You can’t tell because it’s your secret. If you tell, they will try to help you and you don’t want help. You don’t want counseling. You don’t want people getting angry and not understanding. You don’t want people accusing you of trying to get attention. You don’t want people to question how completely insane you really are. All you want is for someone to hold you and tell you that you’re going to be okay. You’re going […]
February 2013
I don’t remember what it’s like to hug someone and to feel loved. Happy. Please, is anyone here in my life? Â Because it doesn’t feel like it. I just want to close my eyes and never wake up.
i cant take this life anymore. every time i try to be happy, something causes me to not be. all i ever fucking do anymore is cry. and cut. yeah thats it. i have a date. march 18. its the day after my nieces birthday. i have to see her turn one. then im gone. 21 more days… i cant wait.
I often say to my friend “I hate people.” and she normally says back, “but youre a person! You dont hate yourself.” what she doesnt know is, I do. I hate myself. I cant stand myself, I hate who I am. I hate myself because Im fat, Im ugly, Im stupid, Im not good enough, I have acne, I cant sleep, I cant stop eating, Im pathetic, Im lazy, Im a liar, Im a *****, Im lonely, I have one friend on earth, Im not worth the time and effort that went into making me, I can go on and on forever.
You might try […]
They allways say that. Everyone, people are leaving me like it’s fucking cool to do that. they always say “I’m leaving. Goodbye.” And, today my mom was being really….bitchy, and she walked out the door, and left me alone. But before she did she said, “I’m leaving, Goodbye.” and the door closed. I just sat in my room crying, trying to process what had just happened, “was she coming back, was I an orphan, was I ever to see her again….She’s not coming back, they never do.” I just crawled into bed and closed my eyes, and then she returned. But she was yelling at […]
It’s after midnight and I just made myself a promise.
I promise to treat myself well. I promise to forgive myself and love myself and hold myself together when all I want to do is fall apart. I promise to support myself and believe in myself and remind myself that I can honestly do anything, provided I am prepared to work for it. I promise to convince myself that I am strong and that I am brave and that even though I make big mistakes, even though I sometimes fall down and end up at the beginning again, I will be okay and that I […]
I was happy. I really was. But now I’m starting to feel bad again. It didn’t take long. It’s like I want to cry, like my body misses being sad. Maybe I’m just scared. I am scared. Any person would be a little scared, right? But I’m not a little scared. I’m really scared. I’m scared that something’s gonna happen again, and it’s all gonna come crashing down. I mean, maybe I should give up on him. What do you think? I’ll give you a list of why I think I should, and why I think I shouldn’t.
Why I should
He keeps staring at me
I really […]
So, i used to cut. I stopped because it bothered my signifigant other and mybparents found out, and they took it bad because they want a ‘perfect’ daughter which i can never be close to because perfect is an obstacle for all, not just me. Anyways, no one believes i have stopped and everytime theres a cut on my they just assume. Oh, and big thing about me: I cant stand assumers. And i have attempted suicide a couple times before. (Only my boyfriend knows of it) and i told my boyfriend about this website, which i suppose was a mistake and now he believes […]
As a kid I was quiet and went unnoticed except when my father yelled at me. When I started kindergarten at age 5, the bullying started. Name calling.. Being called *****, stupid, whore, dumbass… The list goes on.. Being pushed around and used. People telling me they’re my friends then using me for my smarts and putting me down as fat and ugly.. At 12 I fell into love and was ignored and forgotten. At 11 my father abandoned us…
As a teen I am quiet and hide myself. At 13 I fell in love again, my mother found out about the 19 year old and […]
Hi, I’m Lexi, I’m 15 years old and done with life. I can’t do this anymore, my friend knows I’m depressed, she puts me down all the time and she only gets brave behind the screen of her phone. I can’t do this anymore, life is hard i know, because I’m always up for a challenge, but this isn’t hard, this is difficult and unbearable
This started at the beginning of winter, everything started going downhill. I felt invisible to humanity, I’m a human too, and I have a- I don’t, I don’t have a life worth living. I let people step all over me, I […]
I guess I was supposed to be dead by now. I haven’t been on this site in almost a year. I was looking over my past posts and I don’t remember writing them. It was just like finding someone who understands you completely. I guess things are the same as they’ve always been, I’d just forgotten. I’ve had my ups and downs again….and again, and now I’m back. When will I learn…
I’m scared about seeing him again. I know that I sound like a freaky obsessed chick, but I’m not. I’m just an.. overly shy chick that ends up acting like an idiot around her crush. I want to enter the talent show, though. I want to do something to stand out. But I don’t know what to sing. I kinda wanna sing a cute, but cheesy song about having a major crush. Oh my God. I’m acting like a normal girl. Wtf?? When did this happen? Oh well. It’s nice to be happy. Ya know, I kinda want to sing If You Don’t Mind by […]
I wanna starve myself,Im 15 I waight 66 kilos (I dont know how is that on pounds) and I wanna be thin. But,im always fuckin hungry-.- Wanna give an end on this(!)
I don’t know what to do. I can’t get help, I just don’t know who to go to. My parents emotionally abuse me… They yell at me and tell me horrible things so often that I started to believe them. Then I learned my “friends” aren’t my friends. So I was left alone. My brother is also horrible to me, he treats me as bad as my parents treat me. I feel like I’m out of options.
I cut and have been cutting for a while. My mom saw some cuts once and started to yell at me and curse me. She told me though, she […]
I don’t know how to “diagnose” what I am… I’ll share my symptoms and if someone, anyone could help it would be greatly appreciated:
-I cut
-I think about suicide, yet I’m scared when my life is threatened
-The anticipation of doing anything besides going to bed literally terrifies me
-I could be fine one minute, and cutting profusely the next
-I think about cutting all the time, I even do it when I’m not upset.
-I’m very open about my problems to everyone except my family
I’m begging anyone to please help clarify what is wrong with me & what I need to do to feel ok again..
Im not going to lie to anyone here. I have not got the worst problems ever. Im average looking and i come from a privileged background. I am scare of failure. I have lived my entire life in pressure and now i am finished. All these exams and stuff, i cant cope. My parents pay so much money to give me this lifestyle and i have let them down. They deserve better than me. So im going to do it. Im going to use a handgun we have hidden away. I just wanted to be slightly remembered. Don’t call me stupid or im overreacting, because […]
The end starts today. I don’t know how long it’s going to take. I have decided to starve myself to death. I have been fighting this depression for too long and I can’t take it anymore. When everything I touch just turns to dust and everything I say is twisted or ignored. This has been going on for way too long now. The people who surround me, the same people who are supposed to be my family and love me unconditionally, hurt me with their actions and comments. The anxiety attacks are back and soon I won’t be able to deal with them anymore.
I […]
I choose to ignore anything religious.. Not worrh my time.
I ve got some plans for 2013, but everybody thinks they will fall through,nobody really wants to support me in anyway not even a single.”wow sounds like a good idea”