Stop telling me I should be somewhere, i should be helping something that doesn’t exist, stop telling me I’ve commited a crime stop telling me I am hurting people. I am not pathetic, stop filling me with guilt,paranoia, refrain from blocking deserving feelings of joy, acceptance, piece, excitement, love and pleasure. I didn’t do anything bad, stop telling me i did. Stop telling me time is running out or how the fate of the world rests on my hand. Do not lie to me and convince me That I am responsible for every war, fight, illness, failure, death or papercut.
Stop disconnecting my thoughts and combining them with vague, irrational ideas.
This has always been my life, I’ve been told its depression, ive been told its anxiety, adhd, I’d honestly be relieved to hear that its schizophrenia. I feel that someone is putting these thoughts into my head to be sadistic.
Any happy thought I get is quickly jacked and replaced with a negative one. “Are you sure you should be happy?”, “After what you did….” “You dont deserve pleasure,” How can you be happy when there is suffering in the world?” “You should feel guilty”, “How can you concentrate on anything after what you’ve done.
JUST WHAT IS IT THAT I”VE DONE MR UNIVERSE?
Theses thoughts tell me that the whole world is conspiring against me!!
I get these feelings that a friend is mad at me and I fear confronting them.
I get these feelings of dread when I think about interacting with people and having to express myself.
I feel that if I try to ignore these thoughts that something very bad will happen.
I have lately been identifying these thoughts and I think its due to the drug risperidone,(for anxiety). These thoughts make it very hard to stay on task and focus. I can’t play a video game without feeling like I should be doing ‘something else’ . I feel like I always have to be working on a constructive task or else I feel pathetic.
I sucks when you have to drink or take pills just to feel normal, while everyone feels that way naturally.
People don’t take the time to stop and think. I feel no one understands
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