AT THE TIME I FELT:
1. I’m an incompetent and pathetic loser who has ruined his life and will never change because of his own laziness
2. I don’t give a fuck about other people or what they may think or feel , not even those who love and care for me. All I care about is satisfying my own sense of personal justice.
3. All I can think about is how much I hate myself and my existence. The ultimate self-punishment is suicide. These thoughts are driving me nuts and will continue unless I decisively end it NOW.
MY TIMELYÂ EPIPHANIES:
1. I CHOOSE to judge myself the way i do. There’s nothing stopping me from changing the way I think to avoid an extremely serious and irreversible decision.
2. In death I WILL NOT find the satisfaction of self punishment I seek because there will be NO SENSATION AT ALL.
3. No matter how shitty your life is, just having experiences is surely better that the total nothingness of death. Therefore LIVE FOR EXPERIENCES. For me at least, life does not need a meaning or purpose other than that.
I hope this helps someone. Please comment so that I know someone read this and I can feel good about myself.
4 comments
I accidentaly pressed the wrong button and reported your post as requesting a suicide partner. Oooops. My mistake…………”No sensation at all” That’s what appeals to me about death.
Not knowing exactly what pain you feel or your circumstances, all I can say is that you most likely won’t feel the same way in the very near future, no matter what you think right now. Death is definitely not something you want to embrace just in the passion of the moment. If however you’ve been feeling this way for a while, consider again if irreversible non-existence is truly more preferable than the ability to have experiences of any sort what-so-ever and no matter the remoteness of getting the ones you want.
Also I think people often believe they perceive things as good or bad according to universal or objective sets of judgments when it is actually they that have ACCEPTED these things as such. E.g. Being unloved, unimportant, a failure, is only important if you make it. This can sort of also apply to being insulted, rejected, bullied and the like. Just trying to cover all bases here in case any apply to you.
If however it’s persistent traumatic physical abuse by a family member or captor that troubles you I say keep fighting with all your might, though I don’t really know what I’m talking about.
Now I’m suspecting you’re actually seriously clinically depressed in which case I’m not sure if anything I’ve said is relevant at all so stick with proffessional medical help. Thanx for reading! 😛
you epiphanies are genius! … and spot on. but you really don’t “need” comments here because you already know they will have no practical effect on your next moments – you can still feel good knowing that YOU know the comments of others can’t change your truth unless you choose to let them 🙂
However to be fair – many folks here face very real mental issues that that block proper interpretations of the circumstances that affect them – they actually require medical and /or mental health intervention but they still need the clarity and resolve to accept that what they think/feel is not quite right and ‘normal” (if there is such a thing)
regarding death – nothingness is a type of description that we can generally accept and understand – but in order to interpret death as nothingness – there has to be some sentient entity to do the interpreting that can actually recognize the nothingness – but after death, there is no sentient consciousness to process that information or lack thereof … death is end – pure and simple – like finishing reading a book – there is no more pages or information to process – except there is also no more reader to process that the book has concluded.
now i know people will argue god and afterlife vs science etc – but those are personal choices for each individual
If there is a god – and i do not believe here is – he will be there no mater what i believe – just like scientific facts are true no matter what the naysayers say … one can deny scientific fact all they want but no matter how much they do, they still won’t disobey the laws of gravity
theory dawg
That’s the first time I read about anyone else who wanted to die as self-punishment. I’m sure there are more, but you are my first kindred spirit. Hi, live4xp!
Live for experiences, hmm? It’s an intriguing thought. I’ll have to find a way to feel less pain from the “bad” experiences, as well as find the energy to keep going after them. But you’ve given me something to think about, and that’s generally good for a few days at least. Thanks!