A letter to someone I haven’t talked to in a while.

I wont even know how to describe it. All those ways how I was acting made me feel extremely embarassed about myself. I thought I was missing out on a lot, and I tried to catch up. But instead I was making a fool out of myself. After we stopped talking, I tried to fit in, but it would only lead me to feeling more embarassed. I never cared about the future, but now I pretty much began disregarding the flow of time. It became scary for me to leave the house. I was getting progressively depressed and anxious. I tried therapy, but I never was comfortable about it. I would just live in my parents’ apartment, wasting my time. Days would come and go, more and more I would hear about my ex-classmates making it in life. They would graduate, get ahead, become people. And I’m still at the same point where I was when you left me. I’ve got noone to blame except myself. For some time I thought that maybe it’s not entirely my fault, maybe it’s just the way I am. But it’s not the case. I’ve seen the sufferings of the people who are that way, and I’ve got it made in the shade with the lemonade compared to them. That would make me feel even more embarassed, me being so weak and not being able to suck it up. I’m too spoiled and I’m afraid of the real world. I guess I am just escaping the reality. I really hate to be this dramatic. But I’m too apathic to go on, I don’t see myself getting anywhere. I’m embarassed of myself, once again.