I’m getting really good at pretending I’m okey. And I have to, so I can be more “free”, and not have everyone up my ass.
But I’m not okey. I’m not freaking okey. I’m falling apart.
It’s not getting better.Â
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give it TIME.
you are young. the road is long…. nobody promised it would be smooth or easy.
young? how old do you think I am?
the road won’t be that long anyways.
sure, cus TIME solves everything. it does NOT! things don’t go away with time, they get worse
I am guessing at best you are 22-24.
Yes – young. So at your age – a year or two seems like a long time. It isnt
Well then don’t pretend you’re okay. If people get up your ass, tell them to f*ck off.
So, I’m guessing you are older. So, tell me – has time made it better? I bet the answer is no. It makes it worst. Why would you be here otherwise?
I can’t. I need to pretend to be okey so I can go back to doing things my way.
Cus that’s the thing, once you say you are not okey, and seek help, then you lose whatever type of freedom you had – cus you need to get better. Hell, I’d be better on my own.
we ALL have issues. Just cuz i am here does not mean my past evaporates. But i have learned to forgive and accept forgiveness… OVER TIME.
I am sorry that you are clearly very hurt. Truely I am. I too wish this world was not so heartless and we could actually experience some peace, some love, some hope. But this place is not heaven. We just seem to expect it to be perfect.
Naive thinking i guess.
I promise you that I am not trying to belittle your pain. I am not. And it is absolutely true that me being older does not equate to me being wiser. But it does give me a different perspective. But it is YOUR life and YOUR choice. I just want EVERYONE here to find some form of happiness.
I wish for you peace. Peace in your heart, in your mind in your life.
Saying time will heal things – that’s just bullshit, and somehow really pissed me off. Sorry, I’m just not in a good place, I didn’t mean to be rude.
I wish you the best as well.
i didnt say time heals all wounds. It helps us.
And you are right – some pains never heal. I hope whatever your pains are – that you find some comfort in the fact that there ARE people that care about you. I dont know u and I care. So I am sure there are people who do know you who care ALOT.
Well, hazelleyes, obviously you know best.
And I agree with you that time doesn’t necessarily improve things. Why should it? It’s only time. So there’s no way of knowing. Things might improve or take a turn for the worse.
Anyway, tell people what you need for them. Don’t tell them your life sucks. You have it on your mind enough as it is.
So tell people: “I need this”, “Give me that”, “help me here”, etc. Makes it easier for them too.
I’m 25 and I agree that time helps… But in my situation I went into a deep depression and was basically immobile for 4 months. I had to move back into my parents and just drank and smoked my life away. In that case time hurt but the initial cause of my depression lessened but my life was wasted. I got kicked out of the house and had to live in a homeless shelter for a month then went to rehab since I picked up heroin. My reasoning was my life was worthless so anything that could make me feel better was free game. I ODed twice.. Wreaked my car and domed everything but the iPhone I’m using to write this. I’m 4 months sober and things are looking up but the anxiety of fixing everything is getting to me… What is the main problem your dealing with of I may ask? Is it situational or just raw feelings coming from nowhere? You are strong enough to get over this… Just by commenting on this site your are working to improve your life… That’s a big step in the right direction.
muspelhem – The thing is, I need to do what they want me to so my mom is not worry (she just moved away). I know it might not make much sense, but as I explain in my previous posts, my mom is pretty much the only reason why I haven’t killed myself. So I’ll have to pretend to be okey, till she is not worried anymore and I can go back to being on my own (I’m gonna start staying with my dad). I don’t know, it just sucks. But I have no reason, whatsoever, so I’ll do whatever to make her happy. And I know this might be stupid, but once she is gone – so will I.
wrongway – that is a harsh story (I don’t know how else to put it). I’m really glad you are able to stay sober, I can only imagine how hard that is. But feeling so anxious about getting better, isn’t, at least in part, good? Means you want to turn your life around and get better – and in my eyes that is good. I just hope it isn’t too overwhelming.. But after going through all that, I believe you are strong enough to do what you set your mind to achieve.
I don’t know exactly how to put it. I started falling into depression for about 6years. It just got really bad recently. I’ve had to deal with my mother’s cancer last year (which fortunately everything turned out okey), and it kinda sucked all of the last bits of strenght I had left in me. I don’t know. I’m just fucked up. Plus I’m pretty sure something happened to me, but I can’t remember what (I don’t have many memories from when I was younger, and even some serious stuff from a couple years ago) – I think I’m gonna try some kind of remembering theraphy, cus there are just some feelings I get that aren’t right. It’s like I’ve never really whole, never been happy. I started taking medication now, but it’s not even doing much – plus I’m getting dizzy like hell cus of the side effects -.-
I just want to give up, but I can’t. It’s like I’m confined to live a life of misery.
fuck life lets die !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can’t you envision any circumstances (in your wildest dreams), under which you would be happy and want to actually live?
I mean everything I went through was hard bit it took a lot out of me as well… I too feel used up. One of the only reasons I didn’t jump off a freeway bridge is my family… When it comes down to it I think you really do want to live… You are afraid to die but you want all the problems and anxieties in your life to fuck off and have peace. Death sounds like eternal peace but who the fuck knows what comes after… If anything. One thing at a time. I think your trying to “fake it till you make it” and it’s killing you. You need to talk to someone who won’t judge you or force you to do shit. I think / hope this is helping in some small way. Keep posting! Your helping me… Seriously. I wish we could all sit down and have coffee lol… It would be a lot easier than typing on my small phone. Maybe a support group would be good for you. AA would do wonders for you even though your not an alcoholic. Ppl in the rooms can really help you through anything that comes your way. I think you need more ppl in your life that can listen to you.
It’s hard, I know. What you wrote, it’s the same thing with me. Pretending you’re okay, fake smiling, acting like you aren’t breaking apart at the seams. Hold on, please. Find someone to talk to or just write it down somewhere; here, a journal, anything. Just don’t do anything drastic, please.
Haz and mus… Is there an easier form of communication instead of posting ? I have some time on my hands for the next few days so I’m free to discuss stuff
muspelhem – I have a really big problem where I’m like “either go big, or go home”. My dreams are kind of not achivable, as I keep hearing.
wrongway – well, I have a friend who doesn’t judge, and I did tell him everything, but it didn’t really make me feel much better. In fact made me feel worse, and we ended up fighting so we decided to just talk about normal stuff. I guess the only person I have to talk now is the psychologist.. I have my second appointment on monday. I liked him. Hated the psychiatrist tho -.-
I’m not an alcoholic lol – I can’t even drink! I have gallbladder problems, and my body doesn’t take alcohol well (I spend the day after throwing up foam and yellow stuff – fabulous), so I can’t even drink to forget a little. I guess I’m living by the “fake it till I die” – that would be more like it.
Sure, would email be alright? You can email me at claire.01tt @gmail.com (without the space).
ClaireT, I usually write about it, either in a kind of a journal, or on my laptop, or here. It helps a little bit I guess. Talking to people I know on the other hand, doesn’t as much.
I’m sorry you are also feeling like this. Maybe one day you won’t have to fake it anymore 🙂 (not much hope for me, but I hope there is for you!)
muspelhem – I didn’t accept your post about the chat, cus I think SP deletes it anyway. And I don’t think they work on iphone better than this does. So maybe email would be better? If you are okey with it ofc.