I’m 68 and have lived with depression since age 16. Anti-depressants help, but sure don’t solve everything. I’m single and have supported myself since college, but couldn’t handle the duplicity, meanness and emptiness of a corporate job and didn’t have the energy to start my own business. Besides, back in my day there was one career for women–marriage. I didn’t want that job unless it was a mutually fulfilling relationship, something I never found. As I told my mother once, I’m not a whore for sale and I won’t use a man that way.
I’ve managed to own my home. I have social security and Medicare and a good backup health plan. But I can’t pay my bills on that and no one will hire someone my age for part time when they can get a fresh college grad. I live in an area of NC with 3 universities.
The kicker is that when my father dies, I should inherit enough to have a very comfortable life; with money and assets, he’s worth quite a bit; not quite a million but close; but he doesn’t see any reason to help me now. From his perspective, he thinks I’m young and can get a job. Well, I’ve tried. I don’t’ have the energy for full time. I have some health problems.
Geez, this sounds depressing! Sorry. I’ve written my dad a letter, letting him know all this. I’m waiting to hear back and hope it won’t be the story about how he worked for 25 cents a week when he was ten so he could buy a bicycle.
I had planned to work part time at UNC after retirement. I wouldn’t have retired except the position was deleted. Now part time isn’t there for me, even for jobs for which I have glowing references. At 68, they always find some reason to hire someone younger.
I have written a novel that deals with suicide. It’s not all about depression though, because neither are we on this website. But I haven’t found an agent or publisher, and even if I e-publish, without marketing, my chances of selling are just a bit better than winning the lottery. Any of you who are writers will understand. I’m trying to figure out how to get on Amazon Kindle and how to create a cover for Createspace.
Tomorrow is a new day. But tonight feels dismal. You on this website are the only ones I can open up with, be truthful. I do love my father and to wait for his death so I can be okay financially is a sick place to be. Any idea of how to break through to him that I need his help now in order to survive until I inherit? I hate being in this situation.
Oh, and BTW, I’m not even allowed to mention the name Obama when I go home because it might upset someone. Yet they make me listen to Rush Limbaugh. EEK! Because I was against the Vietnam War and the Iraq war and voted for Obama, my father has told me he’s ashamed of me, called me hopeless and ruined. Yet he was the one who raised me as a Christian. I’m not religious at all now, but I still have the values.
I am very grateful for what I do have–a home in the NC woods, three loving pets. But without enough money to pay property taxes etc., that home might be gone.
Okay, I’ve whimpered enough. I’ve tried suicide before. It’s just not easy to kill oneself. I worked in hospitals for a time and have seen the terrible results of failed attempts, people crippled for life and still depressed, even more so than before.
Bye for now, hang in there, the rest of you. Love you all.
4 comments
Hi Vedura;
Never been clinically diagnosed as depressed, but looking back on my life (60 this year), I can see a lot of depressive episodes. Bullied constantly from age 14-19. Think it tanked my self esteem. Now I’m dealing with major health issues and have no health insurance and no job. Have enough money to last me for a few years, but I’m trying to figure out a way to survive for the rest of my life and it’s so damn difficult. I understand the uncertainty and depression you feel at your age. Don’t have any advice, just hope things work out for you.
Thank you for your support. You have it worse than I at the moment. I finally got health insurance at 61. Keep trying. Two years later, breast cancer. Thank heavens for the insurance and that I worked at the University of NC where I got incredible care. I’m cancer-free for five years and only had to have a lumpectomy and radiation. That people are against a national health insurance program is so mean. I think more people realize now what the other side of that coin is like, since they’ve lost jobs with great insurance.
I wish you well. BTW, I talked to my dad today. He said he’d help me when I need it. His memory isn’t great. I hope he remembers that. Hence, feeling better today. This is not a kind or easy life and world. I tried to jump off at 23, didn’t make it, so worked hard and have survived, although I still think of suicide often. Having two cats and a dog helps. I could never leave them uncared for. I love them so much.
All the best to you too.
Glad you talked with your dad and you have a supportive relationship. Pets mean a lot too. I had a few dogs in my day and they brought a lot of love into my life.
Thanks for your kind words.
And here I thought this was all young kids!!! Yeah for us senior peeps!!! Best to you all