I used to be suicidal too. But since 2 months ago, I have undergone a transition in my life. I am alive now. And I am really glad to share my experience to all of you who are in darkness right now.
This post is written with the sole hope to help you all, even just a bit.
Let me tell you what I did to live.
I write diary entries. Stupid, foolish entries. I wrote things which make me happy everyday. And some really useless stuffs also. “Today I drank coffee.” “Today I laughed.” “Today I am healthy.” “Today I played my favourite game.” ..etc. Trust me… really stupid stuffs, but they made me happy and grateful. So I write them down. Slowly, they become my strength. I then began telling myself: I want to wake up tomorrow so I do this again.
I made powerpoint presentations. I write stuffs to encourage myself. Foolish, I know. But you see? I want to live. i was desperate.
In the end, I read through all my diary entries. Then the realization dawned upon me. These things I wrote… are things I gain from life itself. By myself. I don’t need friends or lovers or family or any wealth. The happiness… is in myself. Just by laughing, waking up, dreaming, I slowly began loving myself. Then I started living. And that is all my happiness.
This has become my reason to hold on, stand, and fight. I want to chase my dreams. And only I myself can do it. The magic is in my own hands. No more dark nights crying alone in my room waiting for help to come. I will fight for myself.
So… for all of you… You’re the only one who can win this. Always promise to stay by your ideals, don’t abandon what you believe in. I was on the verge of dying myself, too, but I kept holding on to that one hope that maybe, just maybe, one day I might be able to save myself and break free.
No one can fulfill your wishes, but your own self. You. You have the power.
Amongst all choices… has it ever occurred to you to stand up and fight?
Some of you might feel… “I feel like I’m a chosen one, my life is so terrible while others around me are happy..” So, act like chosen ones.
Don’t expect life to be fair. This world is a twisted place.
You are the one who determines whether or not you are a wreck. Your life is hopeless because you let yourself be hopeless.
It is hard, yes, but it is not supposed to happen overnight. But you can do it, day by day, step by step.
Remember… the strength is in you. Only you can do this!
Good luck everyone.