I have been thinking about cutting my arm all day now. Thinking about how to bandage it, what angle to cut it, when and what to use. I miss these thoughts, but I feel like I am letting so many people down by considering them. My mind is in two as I think about cutting my flesh, I think about the look I would get from my mum, the look of inconvenience.
It’s winter, and wearing long sleeves isn’t a weird thing to do now. So hiding my wounds wouldn’t be as hard.
And to be honest, they don’t care. Even if they did notice my scars, cuts and burns, they wouldn’t do anything about it.
I want them to be deep, I want them to bleed and leave giant scars. I want them to hurt.