I don’t want to go!!

I don’t fucking want to go.

I don’t want to go live with my dads. I don’t want to have to follow other people’s schedule’s just because. I don’t fucking want to go. I was supposed to be on my own. I was fucking supposed to be on my own now!

It won’t help being there. It won’t fucking help. I just want to be on my own, have my space. This is ridiculous. How am I going to get better there? I won’t. I need to do things my own way.

I guess this is the consequence of admitting you are not okey. And now I have to pretend even more that I am okey so I can be back on my own. This is fucking ridiculous.

It is supposed to be temporary – then why the hell my dad wants to tell my sisters that I’m moving there permantely? I’m not!!

I’m doing this just so my mom doesn’t get worried about me, as she just moved away. But it’s not fucking fair. She doesn’t realize how this is gonna kill me. I want my space! I need to be able to come back home and feel safe enough to not be okey, and accept that. Not a constant having to pretend.

I’M SO SICK OF ALL OF THIS. I DON’T WANT TO GO.

I feel like they are ripping away my only hope of being able to go through the days somewhat okey.

I might sound like a selfcentered spoiled little *****. I do know they are doing this because they care. But they are only following their only perspective, and ignoring mine. This is not what I need!! I just want to be able to come back home and be safe to expose my true self.

This is killing me. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to have to pretend 24/7.

Plus, I won’t even have internet, and I won’t be in the center of the city – which pretty much fucks up everything, given that my uni is in the city and my dad will leave me in the train station at 8am when I only have classes at 12.30. This is gonna be fucking awesome!

Please, kill me already.