All the crazy emotional experiences have come and gone. Years has passed and time heals all wounds. Yet, here I am with all goals killed and/or died. I shouldn’t have made it through the experiences I experienced. Now here I am alive and empty. Somewhat like Salmon spawning. They swam upstream and laid their eggs. But unlike the salmon dying soon after, I’m still alive.
I’m not a young kid. I’m 50 and have a career. Here is my story. I lived the American dream. No, not a millionaire but I am ok making 89K a year. It all started about 5 years ago. At least that’s when things unraveled. I don’t even know how but it all started with me waking up in the middle of the night. Something was telling me something was wrong. Anyway, I woke up dazed and confused. I still remember like it was yesterday. I got up and looked around the house wondering why I was feeling this anxiety. 5 bedroom home was ok. All was quiet. My two kids were asleep but something was telling me something was wrong.
Looked for my wife but it was around 6:00 AM and I knew she was on her way to work. So I ran a track on the car. I have one of those locators and found the car nowhere near her route to work. That is when I found out she was having an affair. Never would have known if something didn’t wake me up.
Later, I found out that my two kids one boy and one girl was not biologically mine. Shocking at the time but now the pain has subsided. As soon as the affair was confirmed, she stopped helping with the mortgage and we let it go. I eventually had to file bankruptsy.
So in a short time period, I went for a happy home to foreclosure, Ch 7, finding out my kids aren’t biologically mine, and a boss that was as prejudice as hell. All that stuff killed me inside. My soul took a hit big time. The ex wouldn’t even leave when she got caught in the affair but she still would get dressed and go out while we were married to the guy.
Fast forward about 4 years and here I am. Renting a home, no kiddos and they don’t understand what and why, no wife of course. Financially I’m doing ok. I come home at night to peace and quiet. Yet I still wonder how I made it and why I made it. My life is over and I failed to achieve the goals that many a man would want. Just a home, career, wife and kids. All gone. I wait for my breath to stop. Don’t know why my heart is still beating. I shouldn’t be here anymore. Like the Salmon, I did my life cycle. I wait for my ending.
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@street_smart So money doesn’t bring happiness after all, now does it? I’m sorry you had to go through all of that pain. I know it’s awfull when you lose the people you love, especially when they betray you. But hey… it doesn’t have to be over. You don’t have to die over it. What if there was still hope for a new future? If you could have a new family and a happy life… would you be willing to stay around? What do you say? ๐
Brother you get a Facebook and link up with your old friends. They’ll want to see you take a road trip in an RV. The family raisers put up a bright shiny image that the Brady’s would be hard pressed to out smile.
But watch the facade crumble and dissolve. People are actually having one hell of a time. The kids aren’t young and cute like they are in the outdated family photo. They know we’ve left nothing teen ire is the new teen angst. And hot damn are they pissed off.
So the wife absorbs their quiet rage and refracts it onto a running critique of her husband, in an hourly series of public rants and diatribe on her Facebook wall in multiple media. Let’s just say you won’t feel as lonely. If your experience is like mine, you’ll feel damn lucky.
@changeling. Yes, I already know that I’m better off. Ex’s world came crumbling down but her falling is not something I was wishing for. It doesn’t make mine any better. and I don’t seek revenge.
I go out and hang out with my friends. I have lots of them and a good group of core friends that are men and woman. We do many things and we have lots of fun. I just wanted to give back to the world and not just take take take. I just thought I had a larger purpose in life. I just wanted to give my all to raise those kiddos and be a husband and cool Dad.
I’m not lonely. I think I’m now jaded so not many things bother me anymore. Just seemed to run out of doors to open in life.
Well you rock on street_smart I like your strength. This world ain’t done with you yet. ๐
@street_smart I guess when you see that most of your life has passed and that you didn’t accomplish what you wanted… you ask yourself what you lived for… But did you know that this short life now doesn’t have to be all? In the Bible, God promised that He will soon bring a world where all the problems that humans now have will be gone… a time when everyone on Earth will live forever… and will be truly happy. What do you think of such a promise? Do you think it can become reality? ๐
@changeling. You are pretty cool to show some kindness to a complete stranger so my hats off to you. Thanks.
@just.me. I believe in God. Haven’t read the bible in years. Was a church goer 20+ years ago but don’t deserve to be called a Christian. Backsliding if I recall makes you 7 times worse than you were before you got saved.
I’m not even asking to be taken away from this. I just don’t have a purpose to be around.
Your life doesn’t have to be over (though I can certainly relate to that feeling). You’ve been through a lot… but you have a career, and friends, and financial stability. If you feel ready, you could start dating again. You seem like a good guy with a lot to offer.
The kids thing is rough. I’m coming to terms right now with never having had any. My friend tells me it makes me a catch because I have no baggage. Ha! So, emotional baggage aside… yeah… hmm, you have no baggage either…
…and men are lucky, they can have kids whenever they want if they just get with a younger woman. Good luck to you sir ๐
@street_smart Even if you haven’t read the Bible or went to a church in a long time, it’s not a problem. God is very happy to welcome back anyone that has abandoned Him. ๐ As for a purpose… living forever young, here on Earth, in a world without problems doesn’t sound appealing? Having a new family and enjoying life everyday…
In Revelation 21:3,4 God shows what He will soon do: “Look! The tent of God is with mankind, and he will reside with them, and they will be his peoples. And God himself will be with them. And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.รขโฌย It would be great to see the fullfiling of such a promise, wouldn’t it? ๐ Do you know what God asks of us to get to live such happy times?
@street_smart……dude, I am 59. I was married for 26 years and have three kids, all in their 30’s. Seven years into my marriage my wife left me for another man, and there I was, a single parent wthe 3, 4 and 6 year olds to raise on my own. I was heartbroken, but with those three now dependent on just me I had to rise to the occasion. You know what brought me out of my blues? One day I was sitting in my son’s bedroom crying. My 3 year old daughter came in, sat down beside me, put her arm around me (as far as would go), looked at me and said, “daddy why are you crying?” I said, “because mommy left.” She paused, then said, and this is the truth my friend, “dad, it will be alright.” This was a 3 year old little girl who had just had her mom walk out on HER too! I was speechless. I looked at her, held her close, and said, “Vanessa, it WIll be alright.” From that moment on I was the best father I knew how to be. Two years later my wife (we had not divorced) wanted to return home, and she did. We lasted another 16 years, until those same signs of infidelity surfaced again, and then I left. Some people are just not geared for monogamous relationships I suppose. The point is, you have a good job, good friends, and truly much to not only live for, but to be grateful for. A few days back I was ready to kill myself. Today I want to live. I tire of carpentry/cabinetmaking, being lonely, and I was recently kicked out of my family will, thus out of the family. I sold some tools and have about $500 to my name. I am going to go out into the world, meet people face to face and talk about this troubled world we live in, play live music for peanuts and joy, and become the happy (somewhat) nomad I have always known is the true person I am. I have been a preschool teacher, graphic designer, splitter of firewood, journalist, manager of a small health food store, marketing/graphics manager at a large civil law firm, and carpenter. The only one of those jobs, a minimum wage job I might add, which fit who I am was teaching preschool. I decided to seek my bliss, get out from doing labor I don’t enjoy, and play music, something I do enjoy, while seeking other opportunities. My advice, find something you enjoy, find something which has value for you as well as for others. That has to be the key, to stop going inside our crazy minds and helping others in need. There is no shortage of those all around us. I wish you well.
One more piece of advice, forget about God. If he is real he will let us all know. The world is full of snakes and wickedness, often it comes with fancy words and promises, but turns out to be something else. Love and compassion are real though. Seek those who exhibit those qualities and shun the liars and thieves. I have been around them and worked with them far too much the past few years. I am going to learn to trust my inner voice, for THAT is where God resides, inside, not in the pages of some book. We just have to go there, inside the heart, and not the brain.
Hey, sorry but i think otherwise! i personally reccomend that u alwayz remeber god, we were bought in this life as a test, we cant expect it 2 be easy! keep believing(:
If you read my post closely, you find that I state the Spirit of God is in each of us, it is not some promise which comes later. It is here, now. Go beyond believing, experience it! Believing is in the mind, experience is of the heart.