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I used to Be

by underneathope



Beautiful and vibrant as can be,
That’s how they remember me,
So far from what I used to be,
I hid from the world; you see,

Skin so smooth and fair,
Now scarred and dry,
I still have my beautiful hair,
But I changed so much it makes me cry.

I cry myself to sleep when no one’s there,
Trying to accept the damaged look,
So much lost; I can’t even start where,
Dusty covers, lost pages, judge the book!

Of all clichés this one I will never forget,
Passing through life betwixt and between,
In the end all you’re left with is regret,
Was I made to be a warrior- only to never win?

Tell me the point of being called proficient,
When you can never believe it yourself,
Programmed never to reply to what is sent,
The girl bred to repudiate herself.

Never finished what I started,
And probably never will,
Was I that stone-hearted?
To watch myself grow ill,

Perhaps I didn’t notice,
Let’s assume that I never knew,
A nightmare I will call this,
Pinch me will you?

Pinch me as hard as you can, I beg you.
Pinch me till I cry and till I bleed,
Just wake me from my misery will you!
Excruciating pain with nothing to yield,

Could it be fate behind all these?
Was I meant to crash and burn?
Was I supposed to feel unease?
But from all, what did I earn?

Maybe I don’t deserve the life given to me,
I probably never did,
My instinct tells me it wasn’t supposed to be,
A poisonous seed,

I was made only to disappear,
I was cared for; for I was a reserve,
Chances are I’ll only reappear,
When I finally deserve,

To relive my life the way I used to do,
See life the way I used to see,
When I become good enough for you,
When I become what I used to be.

***Im not a poet Im not good in english at all. I just write dumb poems when i feel like giving up on life. My way of talking to myself since I don’t have anyone to talk to.


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Barathy 3/21/2013 - 4:19 pm

that was so beautiful! my feelings exactly.

jesthenewgirl 3/21/2013 - 4:27 pm

I don’t know how you find that beautiful but thank you. I not good in writing, in english, grammar and literature so yea. I’m a mess but I talk to myself, it’s good sometimes. It makes me feel insane at first, but sane after. Not making sense again, so thank you.

driftz86 3/21/2013 - 9:32 pm

I don’t know how old you are but I can bet that you are still a beautiful girl.

jesthenewgirl 3/22/2013 - 2:38 am

I was and some people convince me that I still am. How can I believe them when everyday I see a different person in front of the mirror? Worse, I still see a hint of what I used to be but it’s slowly fading-mocking my pain.

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