You know what you always hear people saying that they want to kill them self for many reasons and i never thought that i would be one of those people. I AM NOW !!!!.
I have very bad health ( my backs  falling apart) i am in so much pain all the time and i am fighting it 24/7 . I am 32 and i  had so much to live for.
Its all been taken away from me and i have hit rock bottom. I cry every day, i have dark thoughts all the time that i could just take all my med that i am on a go to sleep and die i am on ketamine, morphine patches, oral morphine, tramadol, diazepam, Â amitriptyline , and would you believe that the pain is still hurting me.
I had three op’s in the last three year’s the 2nd one i nearly died and lost 8 pints of blood but they saved me only to go on to having a massive clot and had another op and my chances was not good and id lose my leg which i never every one says how lucky i am. i wish i died i really do. i am now facing more ops but i can not see my life getting any better. mum  and dad tells me to hang in there and my husband loves me so much but i don’t feel that this can keep me sane any more, all i wanted was to be is healthy.
I wish id go to sleep and never wake up no one leaves me alone as they know how i am feeling.  mum cares for me 6.30am  till 6.00pm then my husband takes over. this is not a life i am just existing.
if i knew id die id do it.
7 comments
🙁 That is awful…
Are you expected to heal enough to get around on a motorized wheelchair? I hope so.
We Dont know. Just having the pain taken away would help. I cant look that far forward. Im going back into hospital April 8th to see my doctor and i find out what there going to do or if they do any thing. hope ur having a good day tho.
I’m so sorry for all this suffering you are going through. It sounds like you are very much loved. Have you spoken to your family about possible euthanasia? For what it’s worth it sounds like you have a lot of loved ones to live for but at the same time it’s an unfair request for you to endure what you’re going through. I wish you a better day soon.
Thank you for you kind words. I know there’s alot of people out there that have illness and problems no matter how big or small it all matters. I try so hard to think like this but im so jealous of healthy people and would give up every thing to be healthy and pain free. My husband keeps coming in our bedroom asking Whats up and i did not want to upset him with my thoughts. Im sorry to moan as i know every one on this site sound so down i could cry. It would be so easy to end it all but what stops us all is th. e hurt we would leave behind.
Wow your post moved me, that would be one of the hardest things to cope with I totally understand why you would want to do it and the guilt you would be feeling you ve got a loving family and husband your kinda if talking bout youth in Asia hey , when the pain of sickness becomes too much . I’m sure there’s some people whom can live in pain but still be inspirational but right now I’m sure you wouldn’t give a shit ! What ever you decide is your decision for you it’s youth in Asia though and who can blame you . Not sure how long you’ve been like this or what happened but it could shift in your mind depending if you get better. Just wanted to point out opiates are a depressant they make you feel depressed they mess with everything so just remember that one they relieve pain however they have a way of imploding inside the brain it’s a known fact . I know this cause I have been an opiate attack on and off in my life that’s my demon. We ve all on here for various reasons keep talking if you want to email me in australia for support I’m a social worker by profession and am good with understanding stuff just tell me and ill email you my email address best wishes hang in there
Thank you for your message last night, you sound like a lovely lady and i really think that it is nice you want to help people. Yes i asked my family last year and the year before that to help me die and take me some where that i can be put sleep. As you can guess they never did that. what you said about all the meds that i am on and what there doing to my head really helped me and i thought i am not going mad. Thank you x Yes i have a very close mum and dad and husband and we have a 19 week old bulldog as we cant have children. I would love if you would email me as iv had people to talk to in hospital and im like i dont know you and there false. Lots of people from pain teams said you can over come it in you mind, i said if i break your leg and make you run on it and tell you power of the mind do you think you could do it. LOTS OF PEOPLE ARE JOBS WORTH AND DONT UNDER STAND. I don’t like to ask but what made you come on to this site? by the way i am lisa and i am from england many thanks lisa
Hi Lisa good to get your reply , I came on this site cause I was struggling myself and got myself in a state of mind that I haven’t been in that often but was happening of late. I have been isolated for some time in a small town and I’m from the city had been abusing pain meds a bit and of course when I use opiates I get completely depressed and they effect my thinking and the way I feel. So when I read your post I thought you know what you are being very self pitying and you need to realise that at least you have your health. I have met many people and even friends with chronic pain and have had to be on opiate medications that have ended up being addicted or having a lot of issues because of the medications. So I think every ones pain is relevant however sometimes getting support can means that you feel stronger and every one needs that validation even if you feel like ending things , its ok to feel like that my email is yvette.artz@bigpond.com please email me Yvette