I’m done

For the past few days I thought my life was going to get better.  All these wonderful things people tell me here are kind of smothered by the fact my home life has only gotten worse.

My family found these posts and are going to be sending me to a mental facility that is known for its patient abuse and I have no say -as I’ve been deemed unfit to live alone or make my own life choices thanks to my father.  It’s all spiraling out of control and there’s no way to save myself.  It’s all over and I’m too tired and beaten up to survive.

Coming here was a big mistake, it gave me a sort of false hope that, even though there was support out there and people do care, that I would be able to deal with whatever was thrown in my way -be it my father’s or stepmother’s hate, or the ignorance of my friends and the rest of the family.  I was wrong.

And I’m not going to survive, I can’t.  I told myself they have to be wrong, my family wouldn’t do that to me after hearing all the horrifying tales about this place, but they weren’t lying.

I’ve got two days before they’ve got a vacancy.  So I can’t wait any longer.

I don’t know what to do.  I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to live my life in a facility again.  Not like Peninsula.  I still can’t remember the year I spent there due to the pills and whatever else they did while us patients slept through the effects of tranquilizers and pain killers.  I just wanted to be happy.

Was that too much to ask?

I’m not religious, but I’ve got to believe someone’s up there laughing at my misery.  Why else would so much bad happen to one person?  Why else would I be hated for my looks or personality or lifestyle?