new to this

this is my first time ever talking about my suicidal feelings. i guess I should let you know about me. I’m 18 and I’ve been trying to kill myself since I was ten not sure what made me want to start but i’ve been trying ever since. Sometimes I’ll be “fine” for weeks and then i drop back to wanting to die or cut which can last for a few days or sometimes months. In total I’ve tried 12 times one was about 3 hours ago and shortly after started puking, my mom walked in the bathroom and asked if I was ok and i told her i was sick. She and my dad are the reason I’m reaching out and talking about this, neither of them know that I even think about suicide if they found out i actually tried it would kill them so i want to try giving life a chance for a bit longer. Other than this sight I told my best friend that I had just tried to kill myself  and he kinda freaked at first then was really supportive and understanding he even asked if he could take me to the doctor to make sure I’d be ok but i feel fine so we just sat and talked. I’m beng cautiosly optimistic that me opening up may help.