I dont expect anyone to understand. Im putting a shotgun in my mouth tonight. Im intoxicated and want to wish the world, anyone who cares the best. I wish you never feel the pain of eternal singleness ans the lonely, gut wrenching useless feeling that comes with it. God im actually happy. Freedom at last. Good luck to anyone who reads this. I failed.
March 2013
Hey guys,
Those of you who know me, know that I’m still a 32 year old virgin trying to find me a proper relationship. My last date was just brutal, but I met a new girl and I’ve been communicating with her via talk and texting and I will be driving down on Saturday to visit her.
I have a really good feeling that it will work this time and I will soon finally have a girlfriend. We have so much in common and want the same things out of life. She wants to wait until we get married before making love so I guess I will […]
You’ve watched your baby girl grow up.
You’ve been there for her as life experiences knocked her over hundreds of times.
You’ve been there for her successes, and failures.
For her strongest and weakest moments.
But now she’s in high school.
She keeps things from you now.
Things like she lost her virginity to a senior.
She got pregnant and miscarried before the second month was over.
She started smoking and cutting herself.
She writes down that she hates you and her mother for never being able to understand in her journal, which she left in the hallway when she went to see her friends.
I was raped.
Only 11 years old.
I didn’t know what was happening. Nor had I ever gotten purposely drunk or smoked pot before.
I thought that was what love was…
After that, I became sex crazed. By the end of high school I was known as the local slut that was passed around. Guess whats what happens when you let men fuck you and pass you on to their friends like a piece of meat. But I didn’t care. Why? Because I was punishing myself. I felt that I deserved to relive my rape because I wasn’t happy with myself. And why shouldn’t I be happy? I have an incredible […]
tomorrow will mark one week since my 2nd suicide attempt. it’s weird to walk around knowing that no one else knew anything about it or suspected it. to them i’m some bubbly and happy person-it’s weird and leaves me with this eery feeling of loneliness
I feel as if I’m never enough .. :/ I have no clue why I feel this.. I don’t know how to open up to him.. he’s the sweetest thing.. but i feel as if i don’t treat him right! Gahhh! :'(
you are right wendy. after some thought i realize that is what i am doing. i am pushing away my husband, my family, friends, and now the both of you. but the hurt and the anger were real. this disturbs me. despite current appearances i am not prone to hysterics. and that was exactly what i was after leaving the office. i don’t know where that came from. though i suspect hormones had a role to play. it freaks me out to know that my subconscious mind is in a way conspiring against me. that leads me to believe that my suicide if not imminent […]
So, two days ago, I almost killed myself. or, I almost intended to. I put a plastic garbage bag over my head (lavender scented, nonetheless) and tightened the opening around my neck. I then breathed calmy in and out, until I started running out of air. To clarify, I wasn’t attempting suicide. I know that, if I tried that way, I’d just pass out, not die. I just wanted to see how it would go, would it be a peaceful way to go? Anyway, when I started to run out of air, I almost didn’t let go. I wanted to die so much for a […]
I almost ended my life after my drama performance.
I was stage manager, so I wasn’t an actor, like all of my friends. Already I was alone.
All I heard at the lunch table was how much fun it was, and how I should join drama. In it, no one talked to me, and I felt alone all the time. I felt abandoned.
Now these same friends say that I can talk to them about anything. But, in class they rarly talk to me, and I feel alone. I have SAD, and I need my friends now. They are seniors, and are leaving next year, and […]
It’s almost the end.
It’s almost my time to go.
I’ve done all I could.
I’ve lived all I can.
The end is now.
I’ve accomplished all I can.
just a little deeper.
And just a little longer.
And soon I’ll be gone.
I feel to cry because i caused my life to be shit …If i die my family would stop being poor so maybe i should……….. just a faillure my new name 🙂 (Y) I love my mother way to make me feel better to tell me how much of a failure and a user ive been and how poor i am making them …..yet im trying to stay positive
I’m sick of all the bullshit cliches about suicide. “A permanent solution to a temporary problem.” Fuck that. If it’s such a temporary problem, then why is it so endless? This pain isn’t temporary. I’ll always be me. I’ll always fuck things up. I’m the problem, and the only way to solve anything is to end it all. I only wish I could see if anyone cares. That I could see how they react. It’s a fucking joke how everyone suddenly cares about you once you off yourself. Why should I stick around just because it might hurt a few people if I die? If […]
Imma just… take a bunch of pills and… hope this works.
A 500-metre (1,600 ft) drop would take the train to 360 kilometres per hour (220 mph) close to its terminal velocity, before flattening out and speeding into the first of its seven slightly clothoid inversions.
Each inversion would have a smaller diameter than the one before in order to maintain 10g to passengers while the train loses speed.
After a sharp right-hand turn the train would enter a straight, where unloading of corpses and loading of new passengers could take place. more
I’ve never felt right on this earth. I’ve been depressed and made small attempts (self harm?) since primary school. I had a loving (if alcoholic and over controlling) mother who took her own life by car exhaust when I was 12. My sleep pattern got fucked, school work started slipping and I started cutting. I got close to a full attempt and chickened out at the last minute when I was 14. My dad was just really angry and refused to let me seek help. I had a grief counsellor, but I’m not sure […]
Why can’t she see that I’m not alright?
Why can’t she see that I need her?
Why can’t she see that I hate myself?
Why can’t she see how I feel about her?
More importantly, why do I have to feel this way about her?
Why do I have to love her?
Do you know how often I hear people talk bad about gays, lesbian, and bisexuals? I listen to people go on about how it’s “Immoral” or “wrong” and I just have to sit there, clenching my fists, wanting to punch them all in the face. Because if they knew. If they really knew, then I would never be accepted. […]
What if this is as good as it gets? I’ve been in therapy on and off for 27 years, since I was 11. I’m afraid that where I am now is where I will stay. A horrible fluctuation between being ok, then cutting, then wanting to be gone, back to ok again. It makes my head spin.
What if this is it?
My boyfriend broke up with me a couple weeks ago, and I feel like crap.
Everyday I see him around, he’s flirting with another girl.  It hurts so much
to know he has already moved on and I still haven’t. I feel like my heart
has been ripped in half. Everyone keeps telling me to move on, that he’s not
worth it. But every piece of advice they give me I start missing him even more.
I stopped eating like I used to. I eat at least one meal a day sometimes I don’t
eat at all. I can’t […]
My life is good. I don’t have to worry about much, my parents give me food, shelter, money etc. I’m in college doing a degree I love, but have no motivation to do any of the assignments. I feel like killing myself all the time because it would just be easier than feeling pain all the time. I just don’t want to live. I struggle to do things now. I only do them because I don’t want my parents to be disappointed. All the money they wasted on me for a failed son.  I’ve made plans to kill myself before my birthday, but I don’t know if I’ll go through with […]
I want to take it all away
Take back what I told you
It changes how you feel about me
I can see it in your eyes
No matter how much you deny
I can hear it in your tone
No matter how much you say no
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This is why I don’t
Tell people how I feel
They make assumptions
Most of them aren’t real
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And they don’t deserve the burden
It should be mine to bear
Still I can’t help wishing
That someone else would share
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Still I can’t help wishing
There was somebody out there
Who would hear all I have to say
And it wouldn’t change the way they thought of me
Or how they looked at me
Or how they acted […]