Hi, I suffer from Manic Depression . Not many in my school know that. They think i’m happy, maybe even normal teenage girl. I’m 14. But this is were it all started.
When I was little, I was always the “troubled” child. My parents would curse at me , call me a “retard” , “slut” “whore” all different types of names when I just was two years of age. It wasn’t only the names… my mom was a drunk and my dad wasn’t so much of a help either, she would hit me, with all sorts of things, whatever she could get her hands on. […]
March 2013
I’m just ready for it. I’ve been waiting for it. I’ve tried three times but they all failed, they were overdose. But now I know they have a low suicide rate and I want to try something new… I want to go to the woods and hang myself. It’ll be the best way so that I know it’ll work. I can’t wait for it to be time for it. It wont be too hard and I know that people will miss me but I’m always upset and theirs no point in being here any longer. I feel like it’ll be better when i’m gone.
I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m an 18 (almost 19) year old college drop out, and I just feel so lost. I have been suicidal ever since I was 12, and I never imagined that I would make it this far in life. I had only gone to college so I could get away from my parents, but due to my social anxiety I was forced to come back. I feel stuck; forced to live with my father who raped and hit me as a child, and my mother who has never tried to protect me from him (and further claims that the rape was […]
I’ve told you her story now I’ll tell you mine. I’m Angel and I’m 13, I’ve gone through so much though so don’t judge me on my age. I’ve been raped and beaten, I’ve been hated on and abused, both physically and mental, I’m suicidal and IÂ cut. I’ve gone through so much and I don’t understand why I’m here anymore. Why do I have to live on this earth full of haters? Anyway, when I was 10 I was put up for adoption and I was taken in by a family in Louisiana. They were okay, for the first week. They had 5 other kids […]
I go through these periods of withdrawal, when all I can seem to do is stare at the wall or refresh internet pages.  Other times I just feel sick or exhausted or down in some other way that I can’t explain.  I don’t seem to care about anything anymore.  Today I began a journal entry: About a year from now, I will graduate from  college.  In a little over a year, I hope to be dead.  I have a plan, which is imperfect: I want to disappear without ever being found.  I want my family to think I’m somewhere, alive, so that they don’t suffer. […]
My mind wanders all sorts of dark places. It’s like life is never going to change. The fear of death is only because your attached to something or someone. I have someone. I don’t fear death though. I learned that fear is just in your mind and it can go away. I can disappear and the world keeps spinning. My death will only define who I was. Although I want people to remember me as happy that would just be lying to themselves and that’s useless. I don’t really regret anything right now and I want to die in peace and I feel like this is the […]
How long has it been since I’ve heard your name out loud.. How long has it been since I’ve thought of you..? I’ve buried you down deep in my heart so one day when I can finally come to terms with my own suicide I can think of you… How many times have I carved your Initials in my flesh? How many days have past since you lost yourself? I only wish that you were here to guide me through everything… I’m like a child… still doing childish things… wanting to make adult choices… Jason… I miss you so much… Why did you have to […]
The attacks from my own mind happen all the time:
Before I go to bed
When I do my homework
When I see my friends, all talking, no awkward scilence, looking so happy without me.
Now they have migrated to the classroom.
In biology (my class has 9 people) they happen.
I feel useless,
Pain,
Agony beyond belief.
I feel as if I am drowning, and there is no light, no better day tomorrow.
The sun won’t come out tomorrow, the pain will never leave,
I will forever be a burden.
I go to the back of the lab stations, and I curl up in […]
Hello everyone, Nice to meet you. I’m 28 years old male, unemployed and just looking for ppls to chat with.
I am a student of suicide. I am fascinated by it and the prospect does not daunt me in the least. However, I cannot seem to do the deed. I cannot end this life of mine. I have tried ~12 times since I was 9 years old and aside from passing out a few times, I have never even gone into a coma.
If I believed in God, I might see his hand being part of this. However, I think I am just not motivated enough to die. Nor to live. I am in living pergatory.
I am 22 years old now. Female. Asexual, but unable to […]
I always tried to forget my past, but the last few days I constantly see a image/video in my head. It shows me one of the days I was physically bullied and it was really horrible. I wish that I wouldn’t have to remember it, but that picture sticks in my head. It really scares me, and also hurts me. Like someone’s stucking a knife in my belly and in my heart. I can’t tell it anyone, because it’s too difficult for me to talk about it, so I’m glad I can share it here. I really don’t know what to do to get it […]
death is the best way out and the only way. I want to die so much, you dont understand because no one does. Ive told people but they think its a joke. I see it in their face, that smile, that smirk. Its just a joke……
But im afraid to kill, to kill myself. I cant do it and i try. I think about the multiple ways and i cry because I can’t do it.
Time heals now wounds!
Yeah, I’been tryin to get her out of my life for quite sometime.
been a long time, but still i cant!
the fact is she is gone!
where are you , sweet heart?Â
te amo para siempre, incluso de la muerte!
Why do I always have to believe that things when get better even though they won’t? Why do I keep trying to stick around when I know this is it for me? Why am I afflicted with this hopeless optimism? Hope is a curse.
i know im no one but i believe i can make a difference im have the willpower and strength to help others by masking my emotions ….but i need someone to believe in me
dont be fooled by the title , i havent cut for two days now that may not seem like a lot to you but it is to me , so i have decided to take a break from this website , i want to forget my past of self harm and i cant do that when i have this page i hope you understand , i am thankful for the people on this website who have helped me to realise that u dont have to be perfect for people to love you , im not fully convinced though 🙂
another reason i wont be using my […]
Last night was just an all around bad night. My girlfriend needed to go to the hospital and I offered to go with her, but she said “no” because I need to sleep for school, understandable. And then my boyfriend said he will go with and she jumped at the idea which honestly just bugged the shit out of me. I mean, how in the world did it make sense that she only wanted him with her. I just was so mad. And then again I was bothered because they just automatically assumed I will watch their 2 year old daughter. And yes, I know […]
I have the ability to convince people out of suicide. I can help them stop self harming. I sincerely tell a surplus of people that they’re beautiful.
I can give people so many good reasons as to why not to do anything that could harm themselves.
But I can’t convince myself out of suicide.
I can’t keep myself from self harming
It’s impossible for me to believe I’m beautiful.
I keep my thoughts surrounded by the fact that I’m an ugly human being.
I’m such a hypocrite.
As a person, I’m happy about being human, despite the fact that can’t take care of myself.
It just sucks, […]
Well, I am here now, after I couldn’t figure out where to go finally I found this site, and I hope this is gonna help me.Â
I had severe depression for two and a half-three years. My story started when I turned four or five, my brother started to act weird. First he was hurting me all the time, he was nine at the time, but it was okay, this is no big deal between siblings. I was always the type of kid who is playing alone and trying to stay out of trouble. My brother started to fight with my parents, first it wasn’t […]
I wonder, if there is an end to any of this…. things keep happening …. some of us are depressed, some of us want to end our life, some are struggling to find a meaning , some are try struggling to find a way out, and then there are others who don’t have too many doubts, they are almost sure of what they want and are working towards it. And life goes on…. the race, the rush, the panic , the ecstasy, emotions,feelings, sensations…. everything that makes this web of life goes on… just goes on , not waiting for anybody or anything…. there is […]