Scared

The pain is overwhelming
It has taken up my soul
All I ever think about is “will I lose control”
The feeling of being lonely
The thoughts of pure despair
I think I am broken far beyond repair
The beast inside my head has grown considerably
Feeding me all these thoughts
Giving me false dreams
I don’t understand why this happens
I’m nearly ready to just give in
I want to give my soul to the and commit that final sin
I’m asked if everything’s alright
Of course I smile and lie
But whenever I’m alone I feel ready to die
I cover up my inner feelings behind the laugh you hear
If only you’d look in my eyes
You’d see I hold back the tears
The betrayals that we go through
It’s supposed to make us strong
Sorry to tell you but this is so wrong
I don’t feel strength from this
I feel like I can’t breathe
I feel as if it is time for me to just leave
Every blow I have taken
Has hurt me in so many ways
It has really torn me up
And left me with nothing else to say
The people who have been through this
Are the only ones who know
What it feels like to finally be alone
People who understand me
I personally only know of one
She finally got fed up with them
Leaving me again with none
I was hurt more by the fact someone that I knew
Could turn their backs so quickly
And hurt me like they do
You could say I’m suicidal or at a really low point
I don’t know what to call it
I just say I’m not really right
Some might think that I am just like any other teen
Take a look inside my life
Look at all my dreams
See my friends all leave me
Just because I told them what they didn’t want to hear
It could of been avoided
If only they stayed near
They turn their backs towards me
Hurt me to no end
They tore down all my defenses
Blew past me like the wind
I sit and watch them being happy, already moving on
I know if I saw a change
It would be as if nothing went on
But people do not change
As much as we want to think they do
I got over this fact
Now it is time for you to too
The monster inside me takes over all my thoughts
I wish I could get a break
Finally escape these plots
I gave up awhile ago
Forcing myself to move
Trying to get passed the past
Finding there is no use
I hope when I can get away
I’m not scarred beyond repair
I hope I can finally be happy
Not always so scared…