Screaming!

I have been on this site for about a month now.  I have read a lot of posts and commented on some.  Meanwhile I struggle more and more everyday.  I feel like I am screaming please help me but all I hear is things like “you’ll feel better when the spring comes”, or “you’ll feel better when you get back to work”.  A little background, I have been off work for 3 years because I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.  I have told my psychiatrist that I am feeling depressed, eating and sleeping too much but even he doesn’t understand how much I am struggling right now.  I think of how worthless I am and how much strain I have put on everyone else in my life.  Nobody wants to hire me, all I do now is lie in bed all day, I trace the veins and arteries in my arm and imagine cutting myself.  I am a cutter anyway but I imagine deep slashes.  I wish someone would hear me.  I still go out sometimes, but when I do, I come home and cry, I can feel how people look at me, they know I am worthless too.  They can see into my mind and see how bad a person I am, they can see the demons inside me so now I am spending more time alone.  I hope someone reads this and maybe understands how I feel.