duh , that is what i feel like right now…. severely demented… i can’t think straight . i think i am past the point of redemption…. i just wanna scream out loud from the top of the tallest building. But do i want to jump off it,Â I don’t know, not right now…. i am not yet in that phase of my depression cycle. I know i sound crazy and i know nobody cares… right now i don’t care that nobody cares. all i wanna do is weepÂ my heart out, wash out the madness. run away from all this…. i want to live a better life…. i want it to be organized… i am so tired of letting it take a course of its own. i want some meaning. i am tired of all the nightmares , the suffocation, the struggle and everything else…. but for a change… i don’t want to die… i want a better life… i am gonna try… i keep saying this , but i never really do anything to make my life better… i am educated enough, got a job , even got some people who loves me… i just am not happy… there are a lot of things that are not ok , actually a lot of things that are really screwed up in my life ….but i don’t want to talk about it anymore… all of this is so crappy…. i need to get out of all this, for good…..