10 days

it’s become evident that as of now my life is not worth living. i am miserable, lonely, and i cant afford to wait years, months, or weeks for my life to get better. i’ve been waiting for as long as i can remember. the only thing that i’ve learned from mental hospitals is that committing suicide is a selfish act. but isn’t it selfish to force someone to live in pain and agony day after day when they just want to die? i’m lonely. my dad is moving out of the state, my best friend only cares about drinking, and guys only use me for sex. i don’t want to die but i crave it. the mania i experience is driving me crazy; one minute i’m fine, the next i’m crying, then not too long after i’m laughing uncontrollably. i just wish i could be like everyone else. i’ve been trying to die for as long as i can remember. the only thing that’s keeping me afloat is my art show, and that is next tuesday. so i’m giving myself 10 days to prove me wrong. if i enjoy or feel even slightly okay a majority of the time i’ll try to make it a little longer. if not, i will inject myself with a few left over syringes of blood thinners and stab myself.