Hi guys! How have you been? I have some good and then again some bad news… I have girlfriend : ) She is like all I ever wanted, and I couldn’t ask anything more when I have her by my side ♥ We have been together almost two months now, but we have secretly been in love with each other over half a year.. so we are happy that we can finaly be together now!
But there is one problem I haven’t talked with her about yet.. And it’s her ex. Her exgirlfriend, who died last year. I know that year is very very short time to get over someone dear’s death (like I have mentioned I lost my dad couple of years ago, so I know it takes time), and I try my best to be there for her whenever she need me, and I know she loved her ex and I know she misses her.. And I feel horrible person, becouse I feel jealous. Becouse it feels like she loves me too, but she loves her more, and I can’t help this fear that I’m only second choice and I will never be as important as her ex is/was to her.. And it really makes me wanna cry.
Am I bad person for thinking about it? Is it wrong to be jealous for someone who is important to her..?
She wants to take tattoo for her memory, a feather, and when I found out about it it almost felt like someone would have ripped my heart out. It hurt.
Because I gave her this golden necklace which has a wing in it, and I wrote her poem where I said kinda pretty things about why I gave her wing and what it symbolises to me and her, and now…
I don’t know, like the necklace would only be the second important thing to her. I haven’t said it out loud, but I wanted it to be our special thing, but now I only feel that her dead exgirlfriend is the special thing.
I’m replaced by a dead person. And I fear that I’m only a painkiller for her, becouse for me she is the one I’ve been wanted to have for so long, and now I’m only scared that there is someone more important, someone she loves more, someone I can never ever win..
Sorry I just felt like I would die for this pain and I had to open up for you guys.
6 comments
Sorry I am quite confused about your letter. You say that you have a girlfriend, but that girlfriend had herself another girlfriend? what are you talking about? And you write about it as if it were self-understood. What have you had instilled in your mind? from where have you sprung up?
girls have men and men have girls just in case you did not know it.
Your girlfriend (I hope you are at least a male) needs psychological help to fix her deviations. Once she has recovered from the emotional wounds that lead her to temporarily engage in same sex relationships, then you can start creating a relationship, (provided of course that you are a male yourself as I said).
kind regards
O
try thinking of it this way, if she died while you guys were you still in love, would you ever stop loving her? the answer most people would give is no because there is only the positives to look back on which people should do. you will ever replace her ex, that is just a fact but what you can do is fill that void that will NEVER go away. that is what she wants, she doesn’t want a pain killer or replacement, she just wants to live again and love again, there is room in peoples hearts for more than one love, especially a loving memory like that of your fathers. don’t judge her for it and just accept t and work through it with her. If you really love her than you can accept that she ha some baggage that is going to stay with her forever, but you can make it so that you are the healing hand she needs and make both of you happy
Dear Oracle.
1. Someone’s sexual orientation isn’t your business. The OP wasn’t asking for input on that.
2. Someone’s sexual orientation is never deviant. As long as it’s between two consenting adults, it’s fine.
3. Please move out of the dark ages and only post useful or positive comments to the OP.
As for your problem, you aren’t competing, but it is hard enough to get over your first love, never mind if they die. Give her space to grieve and you will find your way together.
You should tell your girl she’s not gettin’ any tattoos of her ex’s. it’s hurtful and so thoughtless toward your feelings, that I’m suspicious. Suspicious that she knows damn well it’d hurt your (or anyone’s) feelings.
If she gets that tattoo of her dead ex then you should get a tattoo of your “future girlfriend.” Yeah use her as a stepping stone then kick her butt out on the curb. 😛
She’s with you now, and she loves you. As time passes and you spend more and more time together, she will eventually start getting over the death of her ex. And I’m pretty sure one day you’ll realize your feelings of jealousy are gone. Give it time and don’t feel bad about your emotions. If the situation feels unbearable, maybe you could mention you’re feeling insecure to your girlfriend and talk about it. If she’s reasonable, she’ll understand and support you.
It’s perfectly normal to feel that way,I would’ve too. Just try and be here for her. Rn,you are of utmost importance to her